Wednesday, January 21, 2009

conundrum

former brides or brides-to-be (or those of you that are just really bored and have an opinion!)... how do you feel / what are your thoughts on taking photos with your hubs before the ceremony?

we are currently struggling with this decision - on one hand, i really want that moment of seeing Evs for the first time as i walk down the aisle... on the other hand, i don't want to take all that time after the ceremony when we could be celebrating with our guests + i tend to get emotional and i think seeing Evs before the ceremony will calm my nerves and make it less likely that i will blubber like a ridiculous idiot all the way down the aisle.

thoughts? experiences? comments?

***update: some of you asked me which way i am leaning... right now, i'd prefer to take them before - we have to be out of our venue by 10:45 because of noise ordinances and i want to get to the party quickly! Evs was against the idea originally, but we just re-discussed and he's pondering the see-before option more carefully.

29 comments:

  1. I'm not a bride to be or anything! But I would want to wait until after the ceremony. I think that look when the groom sees the bride for the first time is priceless!! And I think all the excitement afterwards would still be there if you took some time to get a few pictures. What are you leaning towards?

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  2. DO IT!!!!!!!! Mr. Mojito and I took pictures after the ceremony and it took FOREVER!!!!!! Plus, if you get them done before the photographer can get your first looks of each other on camera and I think that is a really special moment!! If I could do it again i would have taken pictures beforehand!

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  3. Hi Kate,
    I love you blog & congrats on the upcoming wedding. I saw my husband before our ceremony and I highly recommend it! We did our "first glace" on a bridge away from everyone - it was just us and the photographers-nice and private. I will always remember how he looked at me & yes it did help to calm the nerves. Dave was much more nervous than I was but he says it helped him. Of course, your wedding, your way - just my 2 cents!

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  4. Well, we did the whole "not until I walk down the aisle" thing, which was really nice because I actually think it would have made me more nervous if the hub had seen me beforehand (what if he doesn't like my dress? Is my hair OK? He can still leave now, ya know...--of course I realize that is all nonsense, but, my wedding day was a whole buncha nonsense to be real honest). Of course, I do think those "first glance" pictures are gorgeous and I kinda sorta wish we had them!

    And look, I'm of no help whatsoever. Hm.

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  5. We took pictures before and LOVED IT! Our photographer gave us a moment alone to talk/cry together and it was lovely. Walking down the aisle was a TOTALLY AMAZING feeling and I didn't feel like having our pics before hand ruined it....if anything it DID calm my nerves seeing him before.

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  6. We did it traditionally and waited. I liked the idea of not seeing each other until I walked down the aisle.

    To be perfectly honest, everybody's always concerned about making time for the the formal pictures (I was, too), but after my wedding, every single one of the pictures that I loved enough to frame were the un-posed, totally natural ones taken during the reception. Those were by far my favorites, because they were classic "us" and not posed and formal.

    I vote that you wait to see him until you walk down the aisle, but it's totally up to you.

    As for needing him to calm you down, my wedding photographer's portfolio included one of the cutest wedding pictures I've seen in my life, and you could totally steal the idea: apparently the bride was really emotional before the ceremony, and she needed to be with her groom to calm down. So, she and the groom went on opposite sides of a doorway, backs pressed against the wall (so that they were each leaning against the same spot on opposite sides of the wall), and then each reached one hand out and held hands around the wall. They never actually saw each other, but holding her groom's hand for a minute was enough to calm the bride down, and the picture of that moment was really sweet and special.

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  7. I'm not going to be much help, because I think both ways are great. We went with the traditional wait until walking down the aisle thing. It was amazing to see the excitement and emotion on my hubs' face. But those first glance pictures are amazing and you get that alone time together. You don't get that later.

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  8. we keep debating about this too, but i think we are leaning towards doing it before. i was big on the whole "first glance is the best" thing too, but seeing each other before the ceremony is still a first glance, and you get some very valuable alone time to just be the couple you are, which you will not get the rest of the night. i have heard a lot of girls say they didn't do pictures beforehand and regret it, but i have never heard anyone say the opposite.

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  9. I'm absolutely no help here. Ryan and I are fighting with the exact same conundrum. Luckily we have awhile to decide but it's still something I go back and forth about. We are getting married at a church and they pretty much want you to clear out after the ceremony and I know there will be no 'us' time at the reception, so it is driving me crazy trying to figure out what to do. *le sigh*

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  10. We saw each other before and it was wonderful. We have some beautiful shots that our photographer took of the moment. We were the only ones in the chapel and I walked down the aisle to him and he had his back turned to me. He turned around and cried when he saw me and it's all on camera. Then we had tons of time to take pictures together of just us and then of the whole wedding party. We went straight to the party and never looked back after the ceremony.I don't regret our decision at all.

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  12. Toughy. I'm not sure what I would do, I wouldn't want to trade that moment when the doors fly open and he sees you at the end of the aisle. That being said, some of the comments make it sound like a beautiful private moment.

    A neat idea you might want to consider is "morning after" shots. Its a relatively new trend, but a few of my friends have opted for this and LOVED the result. You take all the formally you with the bridesmaids, him with the groomsmen his side of the fam, your side of the fam etc etc before the wedding. Basically its all the formally posed shots but you and the groom are never together... then you take ONE BIG group picture immediately after the ceremony... all the sweet rommantical ones you take the next day. Its like the best of both worlds. You get to save the time of formal shots by doing them prior to the ceremony, and still save that gasping for breath moment when he first sees you. I'll look for some links and email you. It might be annoying to put the dress on again the next day, but the shots turned out GORGEOUS! They were more casual, and the tux and dress looked just slightly rumpled in a really cute way

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  13. damn....that is a hard one! I wish I had words of advice or wisdom, but I've got nothing. Either way, you'll make the decision that is right for you. As for being a nervous wreck...you'll have US to calm you down too no matter what. At least you don't turn splotchy...so you've got that going for you.

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  14. I think it depends on what time you're having your ceremony!

    Ours was at 2:00 pm, and we didn't see each other before. Honestly, we had more time after the ceremony than before! The morning was so crazy with hair, and getting dressed, and eating, and celebrating ... there was no time! And I loved seeing him waiting for me at the end of the aisle. :)

    If your ceremony is later? Say, a 6:00 pm? Then I think it makes sense to see him before.

    Either way, it's your wedding day and no matter WHEN your 'first look' is, it will be wonderful. It doesn't really matter when it happens.

    Good luck!

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  15. When my husband and I got married a year and a half ago we kind of did a half and half picture taking deal.

    We waited until after the ceremony and took just a few pictures together and also some family pictures but then after EVERYTHING was over (we got married during the day) our whole wedding party went down town and took some more industrial looking pictures. Since you have to be out of your venue at 10:45 it might work for you to travel somewhere and take a few more shots and not feel rushed.

    I was really glad that we didn't see each other before the ceremony though. It was so exciting to walk down the aisle and see his face when he saw me for the first time. One of my favorite pictures is of his face at that very moment.

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  16. check out Jasmine star photography. her blog has lots of before photos.
    I belive that the moment when the two of you lay your eyes upon each other would be just as emotional it just dependes if you want that first moment for just the two of you or if that is something you do not mind sharing with everyone. The before photos, are kind of just the two of you saying "You and me, baby. "

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  17. We are doing ours before, mostly because we are only having a cocktail reception so we would literally miss almost all of the reception if we wait until after. I have heard that "that moment" of seeing your guy for the first time is still pretty strong when you see them for the first time all dressed up to take pictures. And I have also heard that then walking down the aisle to them is still very magical. Of course, these are just things I have heard, but they make me feel good about our choice to do the first look!

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  18. we waited to see each other. it was worth it. yeah, we missed out on taking more photos, but i didn't want photos, i wanted that moment. i'll remember it forever, and that's something that was meaningful for me. i would do it again!

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  19. I'm not against doing them before, and definitely think it can be cool to have that moment in private. And I'm not all that traditional (we spent the night together before the wedding, etc.) But, we did not see each other before the ceremony. That moment - the doors open, and there you are - and the look on his face the photographer catches, and you see him...way up there for the first time, and everyone you love and care about leading the path there...I don't know, I definitely would not have changed that. That one tradition mattered to me, for some reason. We took about a 1/2 hour for pics after. I was obviously much more relaxed then. I did miss the cocktail hor d'ouvres and lemonade bar, which sucked, but I'm glad we did it the way we did.

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  20. I like the idea of doing it before! We did :) We had that special moment that was just us...and our photographer from afar. I thought it was great!

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  21. Here are some examples of the "day after shoot" concept I mentioned.... I certainly wouldnt want to take is as far as "trashing the dress" - but I like the concept.

    http://www.trashthedress.com/

    You wouldn't have to be in an "edgy" setting either - a park or garden would be nice. My college roommate did that but I can't find the link to her photographers site.

    Whatever decision you make - your day will be amazing!

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  22. i'm with you. i don't want to take too much time away from the fete of family and friends, but i want the "moment" of walking down the aisle.

    so we are just going to take as many pictures as possible with as many combos of peeps before hand, and save the ones of him and me for after. and just go quick.

    we're so fabulous we won't take a bad picture, so surely it won't take too long... :) haha.

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  23. We're completely undecided on this! I feel like we'll end up doing all our pics before so that we don't lose time celebrating after, but that very well could change.

    I'm really no help. Haha...

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  24. we're doing the same thing as amelia. I wanted to do photos before, but my fiance is adamant that he wants to keep that tradition. so we'll do as many bridal party/family pics as possible beforehand, and do the ones of us together quickly after the ceremony.

    we've also tentatively scheduled a post-wedding photo shoot a couple days after the wedding in case we don't have time to get all the shots we want.

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  25. I'm afraid I don't have much advise on this... we don't do the before photos in the UK at all so the first time we saw each other was as I was walking down the aisle.

    Seeing Mr B's face as I walked was so special. He turned to see me as I walked in and we looked at each other the entire walk up - I didn't notice anyone else at all!

    I thought I was going to be a nervous wreck on the day, but actually I was the most calm and relaxed I've ever been (weird!) - you may well be the same so don't worry too much.

    Saskia x

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  26. I wanted to do them before (and convinced T by showing him adorable first-glance photos of pre-wedding brides and grooms online), but I think we've decided that pre-photos aren't going to work for us because of our venue - the wedding is outdoors at the hotel everyone will be staying in, so it wouldn't be private and worse, there'd be wedding guests around or seeing us having our 'moment,' which completely negates the purpose. Luckily our photographer is a candid-lover and knows we look like dorks in posed pics, so I think the photo session will be pretty speedy (plus, it'll be on the beach, which will make it fun). You'll figure out what's best for you guys, I have no doubt.

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  27. Hi Kate - I too struggled with this one! And although I will admit that pictures took forever and I missed the Mini Burgers and Ahi Tuna tacos that we served, there was no better moment in my life than seeing my husband's tears, smiles, nervous laughes, etc. as we saw each other for the first time. I will never forget it and my guests still talk about that moment...So, just a thought

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  28. im definitely not a bride, but i do have thoughts and suggestions.
    -Take ALL the pictures, like literally every single one, that does not include you and Evan before the ceremony and that way afterwards, there are just a few to be taken.

    - Also, i have seen several REALLY cute pix of a bride and groom holding hands before a ceremony, like on either side of a wall - so they are talking and touching, but not really seeing each other. I think thats a great compromise. You can calm your nerves and not ruin the surprise.

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  29. If you 2 aren't of the die hard "we CANNOT and MUST not see each other before the wedding" variety, I say go for it girl! All the photogs I've spoken to during my planning sessions have advised to see each other beforehand. You can get a lot of the shots out of the way beforehand (of the bridal party, etc.), which means more time to partaaaay! Sadly, we are of the "will not see each other beforehand" variety, so we'll be missing out on what could be some killer pre-wedding, get it out of the way so we can all dance our behinds off shots before the ceremony. I say do it!
    xoxo,
    Lulu

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happy little comments!