Thursday, April 29, 2010

fare thee well, old buddy

Yesterday, I said "hasta la pasta" to my good pal.

Not being big on nicknaming my vehicles (and also unable to top the majesty that was "The Beast" - a two-toned Ford Explorer - just like the Geto Boys! - that I loved with every ounce of my seventeen-year-old being), we'll just call her N.P.

I'll miss you, N.P... I'll miss your Glacier Pearl-ness and your height and your ability to haul up to fourteen sorority sisters dressed in disco attire at one time.  

Thanks for all those cross-country and cross-state moves, because, as you know, my closet is not sedan-sized.  Thanks for never getting towed at Myrtle Beach; I think you might be the only one.  Thanks for the hosting Dad's and my Graduation Road Trip... I'm sorry we left our New River white water rafting clothes in the backseat while we laughed uncontrollably at toured Graceland and you got all ass-smelly for a couple of weeks.  

Thanks for always finding the path (teehee) to Cookout at 3 AM when we just really, really needed a peanut butter truffle milkshake in college.   And thanks for closing your eyes when I just really, really needed to makeout.  

Without you, I wouldn't have been able to nearly pull-off the greatest parking scam Wake Forest University has ever seen.  And even though we fucked it up and I had to pay Mom back, like, $1800 in unpaid parking tickets plus interest, I still think it was worth it for the badass cocktail party story content.  

So, N.P., I'm sorry to tell you "peace out, brussels sprout."  And I'm sorry that when I went to Thailand you were stolen, stripped, and forced to live on cinder blocks in someone's yard.  And I'm sorry that when the police finally found you, a vagrant had made you his home and left five pairs of soiled underpants in your backseat.  And I'm really, really, really sorry that I was dumb enough to leave a suitcase that contained my black patent C.Loub Mary Jane peep-toes packed in the trunk and that they were probably sold in a back alley somewhere in exchange for a crack rock.  

Au Revoir, N.P.!  And know that as I drove away from you last night in my shiny new Camry with the non-infested-with-homeless-man-sperm leather seats, I did shed a tear. 

And then I turned on 80s on 8 XM, cranked the a/c down to 60, and flipped on the heated seats... JUST BECAUSE NOW I CAN!  

24 comments:

  1. YAY Kate!! So happy for your new chapter... and love your goodbye to the old one. Cheers!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Aw, what a good car for sure! I think I will cry when my Jetta goes to car heaven (which is coming up shortly, I fear). Enjoy your new ride!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh so sad... I had to say goodbye to my white explorer in December... although not in such a traumatic way... I got an accord and I love it, but nothing will ever take the place of the white explorer!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Loving your posts today! So witty and fun. Out with the old, in with the new - hope the Toyota treats you well!

    ReplyDelete
  5. wow what stories! fabulous ode! i want to know just what this parking scam was... about to graduate from wfu in two weeks (last class yesterday!) and i'm just a bit jealous you rebelled so valiantly against the incredibly insanely expensive parking here!

    love and sao,
    ali

    ReplyDelete
  6. You know that you now have to share the parking scam story, right? :) Haha... if you would be so kind to do so!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Congrats on your new car! We just bought a Camry too--on Saturday! What color did you get?

    ReplyDelete
  8. I think we need further explanation about the near-scam...

    ReplyDelete
  9. I recently started reading your blog, and I think you're so funny! I had a '97 Jeep (similar stories there, including the parking tickets), but I just got rid of it and bought a Corolla... I miss being able to drive over/ram into things with my SUV but love my new car. Enjoy!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Nice send off to NP but I'd think mention of an estimated 3 gross baseballs hurled at her at 80 mph and the fact that she never once ran off the road while steering clear of a black cat deserves mention. The silver bullet has a lot to live up to; hope she treats you with all the love NP served up. xoxspleecchh

    ReplyDelete
  11. Aw. A loving tribute. Had I been a blogger back then I would have written a similar post to the bright ass yellow Jeep Cherokee that accompanied me on years 16-20. Mr. Yellow, I'll never forget you.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Yipee! I love a new car, the smell is amazing. So happy for you!

    ReplyDelete
  13. aww, such a sad day. Dear NP thank you for keeping me safe on the rides to cookout and playing so many wonderful girly songs (plus Man in the Mirror) while we sang off key. Hasta la winnebago

    ReplyDelete
  14. Love this post! I know I'm going to feel the same way when I get my first "big girl" car. And I too, attempted a parking scam at Clem. Needless to say, it didn't work either.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Yay for your new car! I'd love to hear about your parking scam that almost worked out! : )

    ReplyDelete
  16. i insist on hearing about this parking scam!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Oh man, how I wish I had a car that I felt even remotely this way about. Sadly, I was never sad to see one of my past vehicles go. It was I who kicked them to the curb. I know you're loving your new car, though! And yes, can we please hear this parking scam story?

    ReplyDelete
  18. I pulled a similar multi-million dollar parking scam at Baylor when I got the Solara. I too eventually got busted. Good times while they lasted...

    ReplyDelete
  19. So, now that song will be in my head all day and all I'll want to do is watch Office Space. THANKS A LOT!

    I may or may not have been considering purchasing this for the past few days...

    ReplyDelete
  20. Ahh, parking scams. We had a number of those at Georgia which also ended badly. My best friend has a white Pathfinder just like your old one. ..it's always hard to say goodbye (um, is that a Boyz II Men song?), but new gadgets always alleviate the pain.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I'm with the crowd on more deets on the parking scam please. And clearly I'm alone on this, but I would really like to hear more about the homeless man taking up residence in your car and soiling himself. What can I say, I'm a sucker for a disgusting story!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Oh my gosh that post was freakin' hilarious! I'm glad you love your new Camry and maybe, just maybe, you'll have adventures with her too! Ha ha ha

    ReplyDelete
  23. Peanut Butter Truffle Milkshake?!! Congrats on the new car :)

    ReplyDelete

happy little comments!