Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Slothy Surprise

First off, I gotta say, I'm really glad that we all agree that "cat" is the better lyric. {And, possibly, it's actually the correct lyric - I need a photo of those liner pages, MM!}  I'm also quite glad we spent about 3 hours on Twitter this morning discussing "cap" versus "cat;" girls who own caps versus girls who own cats; pilfering various articles of clothing from ex-boyfriends; Keith Urban's self-tanning application proficiency; and other VERY IMPORTANT AND RELEVANT WORLD TOPICS.  
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So, for the last couple of years, I've been promising myself that this Spring/Summer, I WILL plant a little veggie garden.  Nothing major, just some 'maters (in hopes of spending less than $6,752 per week on heirloom tomatoes at Whole Foods, obvs) and maybe some cucumbers with which to pickle in yummy, yummy vinegar!  And basil!  Let's not forget the basil (which I actually do have right now - it's just simply sitting in a planter on my kitchen sill that must be placed on the deck for a daily drink of sunshine... t'would much rather be outside permanently, I fear).  

I mean, how can you not be jealous of this?  And this?  And THESE (I'm smacking my lips as I type!)?!

But then I look up and it's, oh, say, June 16th and there is nothing in my flower beds aside from a few massively overgrown knock-out roses that I forgot to prune back in February and thus have now overtaken half our side yard.  No happy sun-warmed tomatoes.  No cheery little cucumbers waiting for their vinegar bath  in a well-loved, well-used  Mason jar. 

And I know why.  Because outside?  Outside where this Proverbial Vegetable Eden would thrive?  It's Fucking Hot.  Hot as Lucifer's armpit.  Hot as two mice getting it on in a wool sock.   And inside?  Inside where I've just pealed off my Spanx and pulled on 14 year old puke green, waffle knit gym shorts (aka: Favorite Article of Lounge Clothing EVER)?  It's cool.**  Cool from all that Bought Air.  Plus, So You Think You Can Dance is on.  And Cat Deeley's voice is just so soothing... soothing like my mango popsicle that would DIE A HORRIBLE, MELTY DEATH if forced to play outside. 

Fine. Fine. Fine.  I'm the lazy anti-gardener.  {Genes inherited from my Daddy Jim and Monitor Mama are cringing at this admission - if only I had their driven green thumbs!}  To quote the fine Dagwood Bumstead... 

You can't teach people to be lazy - either they have it, or they don't.

{I'm totally kidding - I have no clue who the heck this Bumstead Dude is.  I totally just Googled "lazy quotes."}

But... BUT!  What's this I spy? 


First, these curiously large leaves... Then, some sassy orange flowers...



Upon further inspection...


!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You may recall that I went a bit crazy with the fall produce display last year (completely  Whole Foods' fault, obvs).  In order to stretch the decorating budget from Halloween into Thanksgiving, there was no carving of our gourded goodies.  But when it came time for jingle bells, it was out with the old and in with the new!  And because hauling anything to the alley for trash disposal is a fate worse than death, I determined that our front flower bed could use some good ol' fashioned mulching... So behind the tree our PUMPKINS went... and rotted... and it was gross and embarrassing but our neighbors already hate us because we don't own an American flag (which makes us Communists, duh) so I wasn't too bothered. 

And now?  NOW!  All that sloth has paid off!  

Because I might "have it"... but I also have a freakin' PUMPKIN PATCH in my front yard, fools!  The Boom's Hayride-Pulling Classes shall commence this weekend.    

So take your pickles, take your garden kingdom; 
Take your tomatoes, I don't need 'em; 
Take soil-y space and your self-sustaining reason...
But you'll think of me (AND MY PUMPKIN)!

And take your cat and leave my.... 

Wait a second.  


** Oh!  Yes!  Our A/C is working again - thank you for all the sparkly thoughts towards the repair man!  

9 comments:

  1. HOTNESS!!!!!! I'll be trick-or-treating in Dallas this year, methinks!

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  2. HA! This is my kind of gardening! Although I have told myself with the new house, I'm going all M. Stew up in those flower beds, and having a veggie garden. I'm not sure why I think this transformation will magically happen, sinc eth eherb gardens I bought from BB&B still sit unopened on my porch.

    I really just crave the cute gardening gear. . .

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  3. Loving it! And how right you are about the gazillion-dollar produce at Whole Foods...

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  4. I totally meant to post the other day but I was at work - I ALWAYS THOUGHT IT WAS CAT TOO.

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  5. totally off topic, but i saw this today on one of my favorite online jewelry shops, sonyarenee and immediately thought of you! how super cute is this??

    http://www.sonyarenee.com/shop/item.aspx?itemid=705

    of course you'd have to get the elephant charm!!

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  6. Girl, if you were closer I'd come share some of millions of herbs and cucumbers. Our basil is growing like a weed!! And let's be honest, I may blog about my garden, but it's that sweet husband of mine doing all the sweating out in the yard. I just enjoy eat veggies and take pictures :)

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happy little comments!