Tuesday, June 15, 2010

poorly versed

I have this talent.

Well, probably more of a "knack," if you will.

A knack for memorizing song lyrics... singing them at the top of my lungs for years... only to discover, eons later, that my "version"is just, well, um, DEAD ASS WRONG.

{This knack is not to be confused with Evs' knack for purposefully changing song lyrics so that they become sonnets laced with locker room language.}

{Or with The Knack who sings My Sherona.}

Some of my Favorite "Oh. THAT'S What That Says?!" Melodies:

Hush, hush!  Keep it down now... This is Carrie.
{OBVIOUSLY Carrie is a adulterating skank whore clandestinely contacting her illicit lover while her unsuspecting husband snoozes in the next room.}
Actual Lyrics: "Hush, hush! Keep it down now... Voices carry."
{Surprisingly, my originally thematic explanation still works here.  "Keep it down, Illicit Lover!  Voices Carry! Also, as you know, my name is Carrie."}

Take your cat and leave my sweater, 'cause we have nothing left to weather.
{Hey. If you're a dog person and your cheating ex-girlfriend (perhaps her name is Carrie?) is trying to be all "but me and Muffy love you so!," you'd be itching to get that feline out of your face, too!  Come over here, get your damn cat, and bring a lint roller for all this friggin hair while your at it!}
Actual Lyrics: "Take your cap and leave my sweater..."
{What girl wears a cap?  I own hats... but no caps.  'Cat' makes way more sense.  But leave it to Keith Urban to eff up what-could-have-been an epic breakup ballad. That man can't even get self-tanner right, so I can't say I'm too surprised.}

Secret... ASIAN MAN!  Secret... ASIAN MAN! 
{Please picture me, age 11, swearing on my twelve-hole DocMartens to my entire Language Arts class that Johnny Rivers' chart-topping spy was, in fact, of the Asian Persuasion.  Let's just say that being schooled by middleschoolers when you're sitting in school was not the highlight of my Junior High Career.  I didn't live that one down for... well, actually it was only about a week because Valentine's Day was just around the corner and our strapping young minds were soon consumed with whose "boyfriend" was going to get them Meatloaf's "I Would Do Anything for Love" Single... ON COMPACT DISC.}
Actual Lyrics Ummm, I think you know.
{I'll give you - and all those tweens - this one.  Although... it was written in the 60s... perhaps a pop culture nod to the potential dangers of Communist China? No? Anybody?  Bueller?}

And my absolute favorite...

It's a girl, my lord, in a black Maidenform, slowin' down to take a look at me!
{If a hot girl in a black bra executed a flirty traffic maneuver for your sake, you'd be pretty fucking excited too.}
Actual Lyrics: "It's a girl, my lord, in a flat bed Ford, slowin' down to take a look at me"
{Glenn Frey!  There is nothing, I mean NOTHING, exciting about a flat-bed Ford! If you have to tell yourself to "take it easy" every time a chick in a truck changes lanes, you're going to have a lot of tense highway time.  Save the "oh boy, oh boys!" for something a little more newsworthy... like half-naked hot people in lingerie.}

33 comments:

  1. This cracks me up! My sister and I do this all the time. She NEVER gets the words right but her version is always funnier!

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  2. I used to sing (and still do despite constant corrections from my friends) Chris Brown's "Kiss Kiss" with the original lyric "lovey-dovey" replaced with "legendary". I think that "lovey-dovey" just sounds too corny.

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  3. It makes me feel better to know that someone else has this same talent. And I completely agree about the cat and Keith Urban. In fact, your tweet earlier was the first time I realized it was in fact a cap (wtf? I don't own any caps either) instead of a cat!

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  4. I also have this talent! AND I just found out that Keith Urban meant cap and not cat! Cat works SO much better!

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  5. Ha!! I thought it was 'this is Carrie' too until I saw the name of the song show up on XM in my new car...glad I am not the only one. My biggest folly was thinking the Whitesnake song said 'like a twister I was born to walk alone' instead of drifter. My husband still laughs at me for this.

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  6. Um... joining the club that just learned it's cap and not cat. I prefer "take my cat"- much more entertaining!

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  7. You're hilarious!

    Up until this very moment I too thought it was "cat" which actually DOES make a lot more sense -- b/c a lot of girls have cats but not caps.

    My college roommate had a 365 day calendar or misheard song lyrics called "Scuse me, while I kiss this guy" from the misheard lyrics in the Jim Hendrix song "Scuse me, while I kiss the sky." We were CONSTANTLY realizing we were singing the wrong lyrics to songs. Love it.

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  8. I used to think that Prince was singing about a girl who wore "Rags, very good rags, the kind you'd buy at a second hand store." Yeah, I thought this even after seeing the man in concert.

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  9. So I still thought it was cat and not cap. Hm.

    Thanks for the correction :)

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  10. I do the same thing! My worst... "Lets Go Running..." instead of "Come On Eileen."

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  11. wait, it really is take your "cap" wtf, i seriously thought it was take your cat....this changes everything....

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  12. I really thought it was Take your CAT too. So disappointed in Mr. Urban now. One night at Kareoke someone sang the new Train song that I thought I HAD to be making up the lyrics to, turns out all the random stuff I was singing was correct!

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  13. I always thought "Hush, hush, it's so scary", which also makes sense in my opinion. She really slurs that one out. A friend of mine took an Asian Studies class at Georgia where the professor started the class with Secret Agent Man, but sung your lyrics. A bit bizarre, but entertaining for my friend.

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  14. Until just this moment, I thought the lyrics were "take your cat and leave my sweater." Seriously. Cap makes no sense. It's not monumental, it's just a cap. An actual animal would make it so much more real. Like you said, way to screw it up Keith.

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  15. The last one reminded me of that Seinfeld episode where the woman is wearing her bra as a top/shirt. Bwhaha! And, just so you know, I have the same "knack" if you will. Maybe I need to get my hearing checked??

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  16. To quote Michael Jackson, you are not alone! Unfortunately my mommy brain won't allow me to think of any of my misrepresentations but trust me my husband gets a good laugh more often than he should! I loved reading yours though with the descriptives.

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  17. Well I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who thought, up until this day, that Mr. Urban was saying 'cat' and not 'cap.'

    I have this same knack, and my sister even bought me a book with a couple hundred misheard song lyrics.

    Sometimes the wrong version is just plain better.

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  18. Hahaha, this is hilarious! I do the exact same thing all of the time, and also always sing "cat" instead of "cap."

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  19. Cat or cap, either way it's a WEIRD lyric.

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  20. My favorite is Madonna's Ray of Light:

    "And I feel... like a disco ball, and I feel..."

    When really, it's:

    "And I feel... like I just got home, and I feel..."

    I'd like to feel like a disco ball. Going home isn't all that fun.

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  21. I used to think it was "cat" as opposed to "cap," too, and I totally think our version is better. Change it, Urban!

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  22. Haha! I do this too! My cousin always loved busting me and my sisters out when we sang the wrong words as kids. We call her the "Lyric Police."

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  23. I have ALWAYS thought Keith sang "cat"!! Earth shattered for me as I read that.

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  24. 100% with you on the Secret Asian Man (or at least 12-year-old me was)... ;)

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  25. Great post Kate! For the longest time I thought it was Big 'ol Jedalina not Big 'ol Jet Airliner. I thought they were talking about a big country dude named Jedalina. *hangs head in shame*
    P.S. My husband also makes up song lyrics to songs. He likes to substitute girl for squirrel.

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  26. You know I think it's "cat", but I also know what I'm giving you for your next birthday.

    It's a copy of a book called ""Scuse Me While I Kiss This Guy... and other misheard lyrics." :) I have given my dad every edition of this collection but it always makes me crack up laughing! http://www.amazon.com/Scuse-While-Kiss-This-Guy/dp/0671501283

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  27. Keith Urban is wrong, it is CAT. Take your cap but leave my sweater. What girl has a cap lying around her soon to be ex-boyfriend's house? That makes no sense.

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  28. I think Secret Asian Man is a pretty common one.

    The only one I can think of isn't mine, but a friend. That song... "I walk upon high and I step to the edge, to see my world below..."

    "I want PECAN PIE..."

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  29. i still sing about that secret asian man.

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  30. If you're not already aware of this site:
    http://www.amiright.com/misheard/song/
    then you will have many laughs over the misheard lyrics you will recognize. Ali (June 16, 2010 4:10 PM) mentioned Jet Airliner by the Steve Miller Band. That song is listed as the #6 most misheard song.

    P.S.
    Am I the first guy to post a comment on your blog, Kate? I know you write about girly things but ....

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  31. I agree on secret Asian man.

    Also, "can't find a better man"? I prefer my version: "can't find the butter man."

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  32. I was informed by husband the other day that it is not: Blinded by the light, kick it up like a moose in the middle of the night. (but i have no idea what it really is!)

    I thought that one was, "This is scary!"

    Great post!

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  33. Oh girl. I still say 'take your cat'. It just sounds better in my opinion.

    xoxo,

    Royar

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happy little comments!