Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Parental Urban Dictionary

Yesterday evening, I had the pleasure of enjoying a leisurely salon appointment.  After being spoiled with an amazeballs Austin stylist (and the "Why I Spend At Least 84 Minutes of Each Day Contemplating My Eventual Triumphant Return to My Beloved City" List continues to grow...) for 12 years, I decided 2 years ago that it was high time I stopped planning my visits home around my root growth / high time I began the arduous quest to find the Holy Trinity of Hair:




I've had some hits (including the best color-job I've ever had... EVER) and some misses (unfortunately, the Best Color-Job EVER will set you back $375... don't kid yourself Dallas - NYC you are not), but I've finally found a place where (cue the warm, Cheers-theme-song-type feelings) my color is back on track, a "half-inch trim" actually translates into... wait for it... A HALF-INCH TRIM, the prices are reasonable, the hours of operation easily facilitate a working gal's schedule, and - AND! - a full bar makes the processing, um, process feel more like happy hour!**

Plus, I get to gab about reality television with other like-minded souls who appreciate The Brain Massage That Is The Bachelor(ette).  Which is kinda, but not really, what this post is about.  {What can I say?  My transition skillz need some polishing.} 

So, obvs, the Big Cotton Candy Topic of Discussion yesterday was THE JAKE AND VIENNA BREAKUP INTERVIEW.   Which I will admit to watching (although I did not watch Jake's "On the Wings of Love" Season) (GAG) (because he's a Plastic Pod Person) (also, I HATE THAT SONG).  Clientele and Stylists alike agreed that...

(a) Vienna's hair extensions continue to be terrifying, and 

(b) Jake, while possibly a Ted Bundy-esque Sociopath (Serial Killer Ken, anyone?), is definitely a Capital D Douche.  

Or, as I prefer, a Douche Pickle.  

And, if you're my girl Khloe Kardashian, a Douche Lord.  

Have you ever considered the perfection of the descriptive "douche"?  I mean, I'm pretty sure there's no better synonym out there to describe a Jake Type.  Or an Ed Hardy Type.  Or a The Situation Type.  It's a term that reaches past geographical, racial, and cultural boundaries!  The Great Unifier: Look in any community or group, and ye shall find a douche!  

Which is why I was deeply troubled to discover that the concept of "douche" has yet to reach the elder generation (at least as it refers to a total and complete Tool Bag, as opposed to a Summer's Evening) - a fact I learned during a recent conversation with my mother in which I was attempting to properly characterize an acquaintance from college...

(K) So, yeah, he was just a total frat douche back in the day, but apparently adulthood morphed him into a decent human being. 

(M) Douche?  What's a "douche"?  Is that like a "dweeb"?  Or maybe like an "asshole," or what? 

(K) No, it's like.... a really douche-y guy....

(M) Ummmm...

(K)  Or no!  It's like someone who participates in much douchebaggery!!! 

(M) You realize that's not really helping, Kate. 

Le sigh.   Schooled like a 1L trying to define legal jargon by using said legal jargon. Again.  

**didn't want this entry to smell of "gratuitous sponsored post musk" but if you're looking for a stylist in Dallas, get thee to Pompeo at the Palomar and ask for Joelle! 


  1. Bhahaha! This post made my day (and reminded me that I need a haircut in a bad, bad way)! Thanks for the laughter at work!

  2. Ah, my favorite naughty word...doesn't "douche" just taste good rollin off the top of your tongue?

    PS - I live in the OC and I'd never considered getting my hair done sans cocktail. It's a staple here!!! ; )

  3. Douche nozzle was my personal favorite but now I just stick to douche. Only one syllable and the very sound of it conveys contempt. With that said, Jake is a douche of the highest order. He's kind of bland and flaccid but icky at the same time and just...shudder. If Vienna turns up missing we know exactly whose freezer she's in.

  4. We just had this conversation at work - about how "douche" entered the lexicon and became OK, kinda like how "suck" did back in the day. (There was a day when that was a highly inappropriate word.) In any case, it reminded me (I'm a bit older than you) of when I used the term "scumbag" in front of my dad, who was horrified, and told me that if I knew what that word meant, I wouldn't use it. Flash forward to the invention of and I finally DO know what the origins of the term are. ... So while there's still a generation or two that think of those "not so fresh feeling" commercials upon hearing the term douche, there may come a day when that is no longer the case!

  5. Ohhh, I have heard fabulous things about that salon, good to know it has your seal of approval as well!

    I myself did the "I will only touch the hair when I go home" for years. Which is a big pain in the ass when "home" is 1,200 miles away. I looked like a hooker with those terrible roots, but it did not matter!

    I have since found a stylist who is fabulous with the cut and color, and price (in Addison!), but, the price of the cut is what kills me. It's good, but, it's not THAT good. Color? Fab. Cut? Good, but not "I could have bought a pair of shoes for the price of this haircut" good. Perhaps I shall go to SuperCuts? Yikes!

  6. What stylist and salon did you use in Austin? I'm in a similar situation...same stylist in San Antonio for the past 15 years, but I desperately need one in the Austin area.

  7. Douche Pickle... Bwahahaha! Totally using that in the near future :)

  8. I can't even tell you how many times I uttered douche/douchebag/douchy during that season. It possibly exceeded the use of "here for the right reasons".

  9. When I'm in Dallas I love going to Osgood-O'Neil. My mom loves it so much she used to fly from SC for a hair cut!

  10. Any chance you want to share the name of your ex-Austin stylist? I just moved here and am looking for someone good.


happy little comments!