Wednesday, February 9, 2011

candor

You know what I love best about small children?  How well they know themselves. They are completely uncensored... the expectations and the thought of potential judgment from others doesn't tether them down or give them pause.  When you're six, you know exactly what you like... what you don't... what you want... who you are.  

My favorite color is red. 

My favorite food is Velveeta shells and cheese with broccoli.  


I am good at drawing. 


Santa Claus is most definitely real. 


I want a pony at my birthday party. 


I miss that - that "uninhibition" {I'm making that a word, bee-tee-dubs} - that sureness.

We're so mired down as adults - in all of the "Should I put that out there? Should I even think it? Is it popular?  Is it too popular?   Is wanting this wrong?   Does it make me too much of this... or too much of that?  Do I even like that / want that / think that anymore? Or am I just holding on because it's comfortable?  What does this say about me?"

We get kinda lost sometimes, no?

So, in an effort to look back at an honest snap-shot of Kate: Almost Twenty-Eight, I'll do my best to think and speak with the candor of someone in non-ironic pigtails.

My favorite color is bright yellow.  My favorite color with which to decorate is turquoise.  

I have too many favorite foods to list.  Most of them involve cheese.

My favorite television show is probably on Bravo.  Or involves a serial killer

I am good at cooking.  I've spent the better part of my life trying to be really good at things I loved but that didn't come naturally to me... usually at the expense of things at which I excelled but was too afraid to love.  I love cooking.  I love being in the kitchen.  Even the prep work and the clean-up are rhythmically cathartic.  

I am not thin.
  I am 5'9'' and it is unlikely that I will ever wear a size 4 or 6 again.  {We can officially add "skinny" to the list of "things at which I've tried to excel but do not come naturally."}  I've given up the numbers both on the scale and on my tags in favor of how I feel, how I move, and how my tried-and-true "fit" clothes look.  Right now?  I'm working on doing better in all those departments.

I love cardigans and silk tunics.  They are my favorite things to wear.  I have entirely too many of them.  I want more.  

I want a baby.  I want to be a mom.  I didn't always... and, even after my mind changed, I didn't feel comfortable saying those words.  I thought it took away some of my street cred... or something lame like that.  Now I say it with fervor.  I want a baby.  I want to be a mom.

I like exactly three ice cubes in my glass of white wine.  Sommeliers be damned.  And I hate Merlot.  "I am not drinking any fucking merlot" is possibly my favorite movie quote ever.  

I would rather purchase housewares than clothes.  My birthday list this year includes one pair of earrings - the rest of the items are culinary accoutrement.  Although I did purchase myself a Me Gift with my 15% birthday discount.  {Please note that "shoes" are not "clothes."}

I like going to work everyday.  It's very rare I wake up on a weekday and go ARRRGGHHH! with a fist-shake and a curled lip.  I've possibly landed a job with the description most tailored to my qualifications. Is it my end-all-be-all "passion"?  Nay.  Will any 9 to 5 job ever be my end-all-be-all?  Likely not.  That's why it's called "Work" and not "Drink Patio Margaritas in Maxi Dresses, Then Take a Spin Around the Lake on the Front of a Ski Boat, Then Attend the Academy Awards."  

While I've always considered myself an Extrovert, the first letter of my Myers-Briggs analysis is likely an "I."  I love meeting new people and fun social situations.  I can talk both ears off a brick wall.  But I need my alone time... it's when I recharge... it's where I find my energy.  I'm best one-on-one.  I use humor, shock-value, and sheer volume as defense mechanisms.

I have come to terms with the fact that not everything will happen at my pace.  Patience is not my strong suit.  Instant Gratification, while basically awesome, is not Life.  I cannot snap my fingers and have a perfectly decorated home.  It takes hard work to fit into my favorite jeans.  {See also: Baby... perhaps my biggest challenge at the moment}  That's just the way it goes.  No need to throw a hissy or stop enjoying all the Life is throwing at me right now. 

And there it is.  Honestly Me. 

Oh. 

Wait.

Santa Claus is most definitely real. 

And I still want a pony at my birthday party.  {And a Keurig.}

44 comments:

  1. Kate, I loved this post! Thanks for sharing with all of us.

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  2. Great post. Honest and true. You write one of my very favorite blogs and I read every post so please keep up the great work! And I will try to comment more to let you know you have a loyal fan down here in Houston. :)

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  3. What a fantastic post! Un-self-conscious candor is something we should all practice a little more...

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  4. Great post! Thanks for reminding us what an awesome writer and beautiful person your are--inside and out.

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  5. I love this post! I find it really hard to put what i like and what I don't like into words sometimes. It's hard to pinpoint those things about yourself but I think sometimes it's important to do. My favorite part is what you said about your job- I feel under so much pressure to pursue a career that will make me happy for the rest of my life, but I think that for most people their job isn't what defines and fulfills them. I think that you're pretty lucky if you like going to work. That's what I'm aiming for. Thanks for being so honest!

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  6. Loved this post!! I love posts where the author is just being honest- not trying to make any excuses, not trying to sugar coat, not trying to glaze over. Love.
    Also, regardless of sizes, numbers, letters... I nave seen very few women who look as confident as you do (in pictures). Your clothes are beautiful, and you are beautiful in them. And your confidence radiates. I admire you for it.

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  7. what a fantastic post! i also use shock value, humor and VOLUME as defense mechanisms...and i did not realize that until just in the past year. sometimes it's hard to be honest with yourself...but totally worth it.

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  8. Love this post because it's so honest. I especially love the baby comment and wanting to be a mom. I think a lot of women can relate to that. Actually declaring you want a baby seems to "soften" you.

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  9. This just jumped to my top five favorite Kate posts of all time. I actually get bogged down in this a bit, as I get stuck doing the things I think people expect of me as opposed to what I want to do. I too love a good outing, but really love my "me" time, and if that starts to suffer, well watch out. I like white wine and beer, but hate red even though I feel like it's "classier". Wouldn't it be nice if we could be all balls out like kids are with our passions?!?

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  10. Love this post... Especially since I've been feeling a little lost myself lately...
    Definitely been thinking "what the hell am I doing with my life"
    Kudos!

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  11. I love this post! Maybe my favorite ever.

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  12. Love this post. One of my favorites for sure.

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  13. Love love love this post. Thank you for being so honest. I find so often in the blog world people say what they think others want to hear, not what they truly feel, and to me this post was so refreshing. BTW even though you love the cooking more, I so enjoy your clothes and outfit posts so keep 'em comin! And as someone who is about to have her second baby (holy crap)I can assure you that being a mom is the most fun and awesome thing you will ever do, and there really is no "perfect" time for it- sometimes you just have to jump in head first :)

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  14. Kate I just love this post. I really appreciate your honesty and your willingness to put it all out there. Sometimes I hate reading blogs because they seem edited to create the illusion of a perfect life. I think you always do a great job of being real, but this takes it to a whole new level. I absolutely agree with your feelings on work. I don't adore my job either, and I don't enjoy days I end up in the office until 8pm, but I also don't deplore it the way so many people do. Is it my passion? Not really, but like you said, that's why its called "Work".

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  15. LOVE this. and amen on the merlot :)

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  16. I love this post. I think it's so worthwhile to look at your life sometimes with total honesty - and it's even better to be able to say, "...and you know, I like it." Or at the very least, "...I accept it," which is what I'm most working on right now! I especially love what you say about work. I don't have That Job yet, but I know I will eventually - sooner rather than later. But it'll never be something I'm ass-out passionate about. It's work. We have to do it, and we can find ways to tolerate it and even like it. But we can't all make our PASSIONS our JOBS. (Much respect to those who do, but my passion is drinking wine in yoga pants while reading novels.)

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  17. I'm not much of a wine person, so for some reason, ice makes it easier for me enjoy... I'm glad it isn't just me plunking ice cubes in my wine!

    I have a crush on Dexter. I have only seen seasons 1-3 though... I need more Dexter in my life.

    Finally, shoes are most definitely NOT clothes.

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  18. LOVE THIS SO MUCH!!! And I'm not sure why but I might have become watery-eyed (made that word up) with the "I want to be a mom" statement.
    Half the time I am not sure of what I like and what I don't like...thank you for sharing you!

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  19. I am copying everyone else to say that this is a great post. Definitely, possibly my favorite.

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  20. I love this post. Thank you for sharing that part of you with the blog world.

    Just so you know, I want a pony at my birthday too.

    (pssstt. coffee/dinner/drinks soon?)

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  21. I really love this post! I would love to do a post like this but I'm not even sure that I could so honestly put myself out there at this point. I definitely feel a little lost at this point. But it gave me a lot to think about!

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  22. I love this post and your blog! I think we can all relate to a few of these points today.

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  23. Oh how I loved this post. So much. I love how honest and real it is. You're right in saying that as kids we know what's true. We know what makes us US! But as we get older the lines get fuzzy and it gets confusing.

    Thank you for being so open. I loved every piece of this post.

    And happy early birthday :)

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  24. This is a great post :) You're absolutely right about how sure we seem as kids to how completely indecisive and self-conscious we grow to become.

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  25. Great post! Way to keep it real. Thanks for sharing!

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  26. This post rocks! It makes me think about what I love and the things that make me "ME". And about becoming a mom- my baby is 3 months old and I love being mom more than anything in the whole world. Your heart and life are so full when you have children. You see the world through different eyes- it's AMAZING. I can't wait for you to experience it too!

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  27. Maybe I like your blog so much because I could relate to about 90% of your truths...

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  28. Wow. Great post! I turn 30 this year, and I"ve always been told, "Thirties are better than twenties, because at thirty, you really know yourself." Really? Because at 30, I am less SURE now than ever before. Especially in regards to starting a family. "What if we can't afford it?" "What if, contrary to everything I've always imagined, I don't want to return to work?" "What if we're terrible parents and completely screw up what would have been a completely wonderful child?" Maybe everything I've always known to be true, isn't exactly true anymore. Hmmmmmmm....

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  29. Great post! I love reading your blog daily and this really did it for me today! I appreciate the honesty. So much. We all need a little more of it. Honesty and love of ourselves JUST the way we are vs. what we wished we'de be. So thank you!

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  30. I love this post! Even though these are "Kate Truisms" - I think a lot of us can identify with some of them. So well put :)

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  31. This is such a wonderful post; so very candid. I'm sure it's made us all think about our likes and dislikes - and who we really are. Thanks!

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  32. I love the honesty in your writing. And I think we should all strive to live our lives more like children. Wouldn't the world be a better place?

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  33. Love the post and love the blog! Don't remember how I stumbled upon it, but one of my favorites. It's refreshing to read something honest!

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  34. What a fantastic post!

    You're such a great writer, and I love how honest you are. Happy early birthday!

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  35. I love this post, and you. And it kind of made me realize that even though we are at slightly different places in our lives at this specific time, we're both still struggling with a similar lack of patientce...hello instant gratification, right? I guess what I would tell both of us is that everything will unfold as it should, and in its own time. I love you so very much and I am thinking about you on your happy birthday week!

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  36. Like everyone else, I love this post. I think realizing our strengths and then letting go of our weaknesses is so key to being happy... at least it is for me! And I think I'm adding to the chorus that is excited to read about your entry into momhood- talk about re-evaluating yourself... it's crazy!

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  37. I am glad you are my friend, Friend.

    (I hate people who say Friend at the end of things on Twitter, just FYI. And you are my friend because you understand why.)

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  38. Love this post!! You are most definitely a good cook. I feel like I've learned things about cooking just from reading your blog!! Also, if patience is somebody's strong suit I usually don't like them because of that. Patience is a hard thing to figure out. If you do let me know! :-)

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  39. love, love, love this. Thanks for sharing :)

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  40. To echo earlier comments, I love this post! There are quite a few things in my life that I've started to question whether I really like, or whether I think I'm supposed to like so I try to.

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  41. Great post. So true!! Hope your birthday is great!!!

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  42. Bravo! I too am not thin, I have never been, or never will be a size 6. And, even though it took me a long time to be okay with that, now I am. I know that I would rather have good food and good wine than fit into a smaller pair of pants any day!

    And, clearly, you are a good cook from your menu posts. I wish I could be so organized to plan my meals this way.

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happy little comments!