Monday, March 7, 2011

Superpowers of the Mundane

... I have three, off the top of my head.

I am the Best Salad Selector Ever.  Side salad, entrée salad, makes no difference.  Give me a menu, and I'll point you to the perfect combination of produce, protein, dairy and dressing.  Evs got wise to this particular talent early on in our relationship and doesn't even bother asking for a salad different from my order... He'll only end up trying to sneak bites off my plate all evening.  

My body is Impervious to the Addictive Qualities of Nicotine.  I've actively tried to take up smoking three times in my life. {Note that one of my Superpowers is not Extreme Intelligence.}  Once in high school {to mask a general state of hunger}, once when I was living in Spain {it's practically a back-packing requirement}, and once when I was slinging steak and beer for 9 months between college graduation and the start of law school {if you've worked for any amount of time in food service, you understand a cigarette break is about the only way to rest your feet for 5 minutes apart from sticking your hand in the meat grinder}.  During both my Euro-Trip and my stint with Texas Land & Cattle Co. {uggg, I know} {Also, Would You Like to Texas-Size That?}, I puffed at least half a pack a day.  Each time, I just... quit.  Stopped buying packs.  Stopped bumming.  No cravings.  No shakes.  No sweats.  Nothing.  I win, R.J. Reynolds!  {But, you know, thanks for the undergrad education!} 

I am the Only Adult Who Forgot How to Ride a Bicycle.  I knew how to ride a bike when I was a kid.  In full bridal regalia, no less. I tooled around the lovely flat streets of West Austin with my pink basked and mastered the two-wheeler sans training-wheels and all that.  And then we moved to a much hillier neighborhood, and I started swimming competitively, practicing during prime bike-riding hours, blah blah blah.  All of a sudden, I'm 16 and my family is all psyched to bike down the volcano at sunrise in Maui and I'm all "How hard can it be? They say you never forget!" ... Except I did.  And I had to listen to our guide, who looked like he was auditioning for Bill & Ted's Even-More-Stoned Third Musketeer, threaten to make me ride in the shadow van if I didn't pick it up. I'm pretty sure I held the same breath for the entire 10,000 foot descent.  Shudder.  I'm just not cut out for sports involving wheels.  God gave me two perfectly-working legs, thankyouverymuch. 

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What are your Everyday Superpowers?

13 comments:

  1. My superpower is Getting Easily Annoyed with Total Morons - and during the work week, I am able to exercise this superpower on a daily basis! :)

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  2. I thought I was the only adult who forgot how to ride a bike?? I remember a horrible vacation in Mexico where we all decided to go for a bike ride along the beach. Big mistake! I mean, perhaps it was that they were bikes IN MEXICO, but, I was the only one who couldn't figure it out. Sads. Also, I haven't gotten within 5 feet of a bike since.

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  3. I have an incredible sense of smell. I can tell from the back of the house which brand of hot sauce my husband uses when he is cooking and silly things like that. Comes in handy during wine and cheese tastings, but typically it means I'm constantly wrinkling my nose at bad city-smells.

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  4. You are freakin' hilarious! My super powers are: (like Daisy) sense of smell (acquired it while preggers and it never left) AND the sense to know what Hubs is thinking/eating/etc. It freaks him out.

    Hubs always reminded me that "Big Tobacco" paid for the beautiful new law school. I think he only spent one quarter in the old one. When they moved to the new building, we got some pretty awesome old law books that now reside on our mantel! Maybe some of those would work for your bookshelves?

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  5. Fainting from cuteness. A little girl who knows what she wants and has no issue with the feminine vs. masculine. Having it all:).

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  6. I too am impervious to tobacco. My WHOLE family either still smokes or at one time smoked a ton. So I thought, who am I to deny my heritage? No matter how many times I try, I cannot choke down a full cigarette. I did, however, take up Camel Snus for a short period of time. Which is pretty gross, but it was a lot easier than smoking.

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  7. The completely useless ability to always select the most expensive option. When faced with a number of choices with price unknown, I will inevitably sniff out the most expensive choice and declare it my favorite. Maybe not so much superpower as nemesis to my checking account. Although I bet it would come in handy on Price is Right.

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  8. SupersPowers, no; of the Mundane, si, si. So mine is 'finding things'. No real tricks here but it helps to grow up 'poor'. Not dirt poor since I had private school education, but at the expense of reinforcing the soles of my shoes with cardboard (I'd rather had new shoes and public school, but thanks still for your sacrifices, Mom), but you get the picture. I realize that it is not an actual superpower, it's mostly comes down to looking down..........dropped things seldom land higher foot level. So that explains most of it. Harder to explain is sailing with a friend whom describes his three year earlier loss of designer sunglasses in a lake cove. Half an hour later we'er in said cove and I swim around the shoreline for about five minutes and come up with his glasses. From 50 yards away it's hard to convince someone that what you're holding is his long lost glasses. But it does makes for a good story and, yes, when he lost them, as always, they dropped downard.

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  9. I had to laugh outloud at this post (esp. the biking down the volcano in Hawaii). And I LOVE LOVE that photo!!!

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  10. World's Best Parallel Parker and Master Tie-er of the Perfect Bow!

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  11. I can burp the ABC's. Does that count?

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  12. My Super Power is the ability to eat twice as much food as anyone else and still be hungry. And I'm dead serious. This girl is always hangry.

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happy little comments!