Wednesday, May 9, 2012

a veritable Kevin Bacon Game of randomness

So I gave the ol' mane a little chippity-chop... about 5 inches or so, which sounds like a shitton {technical term} but doesn't really go all that far when you start out with Sisterwife Hair.  Case-in-Point: Your Actually-Cares-About-And-Notices-Your-Hair Husband comes home and says something to the tune of "what haircut?

Chop Chop! #nofilter
{I'll be fair and disclose that he did revise his reaction several hours later without prodding.}

Whatever, HUSBAND. My ponytail is totally short and sassy... and the pony don't lie. 

~~~~~

While it appears that I've applied the Jaundice Filter to the photo above, it was actually posted on Instagram using #NoFilter... a popular hashtag which tickles me to no end, because - lets face the facts here - "no filter" could be the hashtag for my life...

Kate {Irish-Maiden-Name} {English-Married-Name}: No Filter. 

Or perhaps... 

Kate {Irish-Maiden Name} {English-Married-Name}: She came. She saw. She hyperbolized.

Let's consider the matter still up for debate.

~~~~~~

Untitled

I found this picture {#NoFilter} on my phone that I took in conjunction with a post I meant to write on bananas in my kitchen.  Obviously this gem of a piece of prose didn't quite manifest on the page screen, but the gist of it was...

I am not a banana fan in the sense that I won't peel one and eat it plain.  I do, however, require them for my morning smoothies seeing as it's practically sacrilegious to make a smoothie sans 'naner.  BUT! One of the problems with bananas is that the ripening smell permeates every inch of whichever corner of my kitchen happens to house the bunch... to the point that I can taste b-a-n-a-n-a-s when I bite into any other neighboring tasty treat.  In short, my snack corner is left adulterated.  Thus, the bananas have gone to live with my k-cups.  K-cups, it seems, are impervious to banana funk.  

The simple solution would be to freeze the bananas immediately upon purchasing since they are doomed for the blender anyhow.  But the god's honest truth is that visible fruit in my kitchen makes me feel sporty.  And I dig feeling sporty.  

Now aren't you pleased I decided to spare you an entire post dedicated to my BANANA ISSUES?  Except I'm pretty sure the foregoing "abbreviated" explanation is just about as long as the original essay would have been.  

Huh. 

~~~~~~

SPEAKING OF COFFEE {technically, I realize we were speaking of bananas... but I did mention the k-cups so just work with me on the transition language there, por favor}... It would appear International Delight now produces a creamer made with actual milk, cream, and sugar... with only 1% Crap That Will Eventually Kill Us All on the ingredient list.  

Untitled

Forever searching for ways to increase my Wannabe Smug Hippie Quotient, I can now happily kinda-sorta cross "delicious fake-ity-fake coffee creamer" off my List of 'Dirty' Foods I Refuse to Quit or Substitute"... permanent members of the club include diet coke, Jiff, and Velveeta.  

Everything in moderation, yes?  

I mean, no one wants to be that crazy lady that hands out organic, sugar-free, made-from-local-beeswax-or-some-shit lollipops at Halloween, right?

{SHE ASKS AS SHE DESPERATELY CLUTCHES HER OVER-FLAVORED COFFEE}

16 comments:

  1. I've shared your blog with so many of my friends. You're one of the few bloggers who consistently makes me laugh out loud. (I'm in the midst of finals week, so laughs are much appreciated). I aspire to be a writer like you! Thanks for filling my early mornings/late nights with spunk, baby cuteness and reality. I can't imagine my blogger reading list without you!

    Also your hair looks great and I am so with you about the bananas.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I feel like a failure as a "healthy person" if my (visible) fruit bowl isn't stocked. And yet...the stock is usually a single manky banana and it is always over-ripe. IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Your writing is wonderful. I love reading your blog!
    And, as I actually live in Utah amongst the sister wives, the references to hair make me laugh out loud without fail...

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm with ya on the coffee creamer...that's one of the "bad" things that I refuse to give up too. I did stop using the powdered stuff several years ago and I use International Delight, which appears to have less nasty ingredients than Coffee Mate. If I can't have my tasty stuff, what's the point of even drinking coffee every morning?! Love your blog!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Could not agree more about making smoothies sans bananas. If we get low on them I start to twitch, being that I live off smoothies. My husband calls it "yellow alert".

    ReplyDelete
  6. I love the bowl your store your k-cups in. Where is it from?

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm realizing from this post that we have so many things in common - for example, I can only get my haircut on Saturdays now (favorite Aveda Salon is in opposite direction from work) and that, my dear, is the ONLY reason I ever get a comment from my spouse. Because, when I leave the house (he's usually home) I say, "I'm going to get my hair cut." When I come home, I say, "I'm home from getting my hair cut do you want some lunch?" At this point he'll walk in (hungry) and say "Your hair looks nice." (Or, as he did last August "That is the worse hair cut you've ever received.").

    Ahem - moving on - I have come to love, love, LOVE this stuff:

    http://naturalbliss.coffee-mate.com/

    The sweet cream flavor is to die for AND it allows for a dash of smugness with my morning coffee ("Look at me - I'm using a natural creamer."). The caramel sucks but the vanilla (low fat and regular) is great too.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I totally get you on having fruit in the kitchen. I feel so much healthier when my bananas are on the counter!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I have to be able to see fruit in the kitchen or it won't get eaten. I completely hear you on the Jif and Velveeta. If loving them is wrong, I don't wanna be right.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Kate, I am going to pretend like you never told me about the coffee creamer.

    I'm banking on my Coffee-Mate addiction, and, more importantly perhaps, my Splenda addiction, to cover my retirement with the proceeds from a lovely class action lawsuit.

    Still, there's nothing quite like a neuro-toxin in the morning.

    ReplyDelete
  11. CUTE hair!

    And what?! LOVE the new coffee with only 1% of crap that WILL eventually kill us. Score!

    ReplyDelete
  12. I had a similar banana experience today. I had one in my lunch box and my PB and J tasted like banana. Yuck.

    ReplyDelete
  13. You speak my language on bananas. Damn them!

    ReplyDelete
  14. ugh hate the smell of overripe bananas and hate putting them in freezer. loooove flavored coffee creamer even though it pains to purchase, can't give it up though!

    ReplyDelete

happy little comments!