Tuesday, July 29, 2014

*Mother Scruggs' Sugar Cookies

*That would be my Daddy Jim's mama -- my original-middle-namesake and, I'm told, a very fine lady indeed. I am not sure how she'd feel about her recipe being used for penis cookies, but I'd like to think she'd at least appreciate the festive spirit with which said penis cookies are enjoyed. 


Way back in 2006, at the ripe old age of 23 and planning my very first bachelorette party, I procured a set of three ginormous, purple penis cookie cutters.** My initial foray into penile baking was a hit, and, over the years, I unofficially became The One Who Brings the Phallic Sweets... These bad boys have graced bach snack tables all over the country and have moved with me four times. 

{True Story: Because of some epically bad lease termination timing, my mom ended up packing my law school apartment while I sat for the Bar.  The night before the final day of testing, I came home to find only one item left unpacked... my trusty dong cutters, splayed out on the kitchen counter, stuck with a Post-It that said: "Circle one: Keep, Donate, Toss." I think we all know which option I selected. Bless Jan and her nonjudgmental parenting skills. }

While the purple peckers forever have a hallowed spot in my kitchen cabinets, it's this particular sugar cookie recipe that has a special place in my stomach. {Which, let's face it, is basically my heart.}  It's filled the bellies of friends during their "last blast" and family at Christmastime {albeit in more traditional shapes}, and I've passed the recipe along to more cookie fans than I can count.  May it, uh, rise to the occasion for you as well! 

Mother Scruggs' Sugar Cookies

Note: The original recipe is actually for "roll & slice" cookies... that is, the dough is rolled into cylinders, refrigerated, and then sliced into discs.  Like slice-n-bake but with all of the work and none of the convenience.  It's amazing that way if you just want a bitchin' circular sugar cookie.  If you actually want to roll the dough out to cut, be sure to follow the butter / oleo adaptation below! 

Ingredients
- 2 cups sugar
- 1 stick butter
- 1 stick corn oil oleo {**if planning on cutting shapes into the dough, reduce to 1/2 stick**}
- 3 eggs {or 2 large eggs}
- 3 cups all-purpose flour
- 1/2 teaspoon salt 
- 1 teaspoon baking powder
- 1 teaspoon freshly ground nutmeg {I hate to go all Gwynnie Goop on y'all here, but I'm pretty sure it's the fresh nutmeg that makes this recipe so awesome}
- 1 teaspoon cloves {or pumpkin pie spice}
- 1 teaspoon vanilla 

Cream eggs and butter + oleo with an electric mixer.  Sift dry ingredients together and add them to mixer. Add vanilla.  Mix well.  

Roll dough into skinny cylinders or a ball.  Wrap tightly with plastic wrap and refrigerate overnight.  Slice into discs with a width of 1/4 inch at bake at 350 degrees for 8-10 minutes on a greased cookie sheet or parchment paper.  Or roll out dough onto floured surface and cut into shapes {baking instructions are the same}.

**I am equal parts shocked and delighted to find these are actually available on Amazon now, if you're in the market.  You really can Prime anything these days. 

4 comments:

  1. Sounds delish, thank you Mother Scruggs. I am wanting to pin to my "deliciousness" board but am just not sure what image to use here! :)

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  2. Maybe I'm missing something..... But where is the sugar in that recipe? ;)

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    Replies
    1. Awwwww holy hell. Fixed it! (THANK YOU)

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