"Wrecked" was the only adjective that seemed appropriate last night. I must have texted it over one hundred times to my brave, brilliant, beautiful, strong friends who rode the brutal tide of emotion with me. And surely I repeated it as many times aloud as Evan tried to keep me from unraveling.
Wrecked for myself, most definitely. I am not blind to my candidate's flaws. But I had faith our citizenry would look past its preconceptions and elect an imperfect candidate over one who ran on a platform of fear and hate. I had faith it was our time -- a woman in the White House! After 240 years! So, yes, this one is personal.
Moreso, I'm wrecked for my loved ones and clients who now legitimately fear -- for their right to love whoever they choose, for their access to healthcare, for their place in this country. You are in my heart and on my mind, and I am in your corner, battered and bruised, but not finished.
Interestingly, L woke up wrecked this morning. She does this on occasion -- just decides her world is crumbling before even opening her eyes. We've learned to let her work her way out of it, and, sure enough, after 45 minutes of wailing and a solid breakfast, she was ready to roll. She played happily as I finished packing lunches and started to say my morning goodbyes. She stopped all of a sudden, remembering something important, and turned to me and happily exclaimed "Mommy! Is Hillary the first GIRL PRESIDENT today?!"
I lost it all over again on the kitchen floor, hugging my baby girl and saying all the things we're supposed to say in these situations (which, oddly, sound a lot like Frozen lyrics: "people make bad choices when they're mad or scared or stressed; throw a little love their way and you'll bring out their best." Thanks, Disney).
She looked at me and asked simply "what is Hillary now, if she's not President?"
What are we all, guys. What are we all? What was this all for? What can we DO better? How can we BE better? If THIS wasn't it, how can we make it happen?
I stuck a note in Leighton's lunch tote today. It said...
"You are a brave, brilliant, beautiful, strong light in the world."
Y'all, I am flickering madly - I am wrecked as hell - but I'll not be put out.
Keep burning, friends.