Wednesday, November 9, 2016

"Wrecked" was the only adjective that seemed appropriate last night. I must have texted it over one hundred times to my brave, brilliant, beautiful, strong friends who rode the brutal tide of emotion with me. And surely I repeated it as many times aloud as Evan tried to keep me from unraveling.

Wrecked for myself, most definitely. I am not blind to my candidate's flaws. But I had faith our citizenry would look past its preconceptions and elect an imperfect candidate over one who ran on a platform of fear and hate. I had faith it was our time -- a woman in the White House! After 240 years! So, yes, this one is personal.

Moreso, I'm wrecked for my loved ones and clients who now legitimately fear -- for their right to love whoever they choose, for their access to healthcare, for their place in this country. You are in my heart and on my mind, and I am in your corner, battered and bruised, but not finished.

Interestingly, L woke up wrecked this morning. She does this on occasion -- just decides her world is crumbling before even opening her eyes. We've learned to let her work her way out of it, and, sure enough, after 45 minutes of wailing and a solid breakfast, she was ready to roll. She played happily as I finished packing lunches and started to say my morning goodbyes. She stopped all of a sudden, remembering something important, and turned to me and happily exclaimed "Mommy! Is Hillary the first GIRL PRESIDENT today?!"

I lost it all over again on the kitchen floor, hugging my baby girl and saying all the things we're supposed to say in these situations (which, oddly, sound a lot like Frozen lyrics: "people make bad choices when they're mad or scared or stressed; throw a little love their way and you'll bring out their best." Thanks, Disney).

She looked at me and asked simply "what is Hillary now, if she's not President?"

What are we all, guys. What are we all? What was this all for? What can we DO better? How can we BE better? If THIS wasn't it, how can we make it happen?

I stuck a note in Leighton's lunch tote today. It said...

"You are a brave, brilliant, beautiful, strong light in the world."

Y'all, I am flickering madly - I am wrecked as hell - but I'll not be put out.

Keep burning, friends.

22 comments:

  1. Kate:

    Thank you for this. I have read your blog since 2007 and have maybe commented a few times before. I've trailed just a few years "behind" you in life so have enjoyed reading and taking your advice from the bar exam to wedding ideas to the best breastfeeding pillows to BLW and being a lawyer working mom. I've gone through waves of numbness and sadness today and knew I could come to your page for some wisdom. I have built my career fighting for victims of domestic and sexual assault and feel that all we can do is keep on fighting the good fight.

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  2. Thank you for putting into words what I'm feeling today. I wanted this so bad for myself, our country, and most importantly my daughter. Also, Thank you for being the only blog on my blog roll to address this issue. Everyone else is still shilling out sweaters and casserole recipes as if nothing happened last night.

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  3. Long time lurker/lover of your blog. Thank you for this post. My 6 year old daughter asked me to wake her up in the middle of the night when Hillary had won. Her tears and questions this morning were almost too much to bear. But we carry on, keep kicking ass and keep striving to raise good human beings who will make this world a better place.

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  4. Yes. So so so much yes. The love and support that we show those who are threatened and scared will allow hope to grow. I had the words of Maya Angelou's "I rise" in my head on repeat all day. We are knocked down, but we will rise. I'm proud to be a nasty woman who still believes that love trumps hate. It sure beats the alternative. Thank you for your words. Hang in there.

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  5. I have always leaned to the right this was the first election I crossed party lines and voted for Hillary. And did so happily and with pride without hesitation. When all was said and done I just couldn't look my children in the eye knowing I voted for that man to represent them. Along with you I feel so sad that my girl doesn't get to experience her first "girl president" just yet, but I feel hopeful it will be just around the corner. And we'll all rejoice. Hugs from Ohio.

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  6. Yes. I'm with you! I'm horrified and wrecked and stupidly astonished and I am FUCKING PISSED. This shall not stand. Not while I live and breathe and have a daughter to protect.

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  7. As daughter of immigrants, I am so sad and angry. Several times today I openly wept in front of my toddler son, but I look in his eyes and have to resolve to organize and fight for all that we stand for!

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  8. This was the worst day. The absolute worst. I thought I felt wrecked in 2000. Oh I didn't even KNOW. So many tears shed today. Tomorrow, the fight begins.

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    1. (also in 2000 I was barely 18 so I truly did not know, but I thought I was upset then, and again in 2004... but yeah. Doesn't even come close to the despair I feel today)

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  9. Burning. Because we have to. We can get this back but damage will be done.

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  10. Gutted, wrecked, all of it. I'm sad for my children and for this country. We can do better. Thank you for posting this. I'm confused by people who are posting about Christmas wish lists and Whole 30 when we are being confronted by such a divisive moment in global history.

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  11. I think those people Actively Not Saying A Word probably ... did not vote for Hillary. And thank you for speaking on it. I wailed and bawled and could barely keep it together at work yesterday. Then last night at dinner, we said grace, and Z added to our prayers: "I hope we and other families who did not support Trump can stick together to get through this and that anybody who is scared can get through this and that we all have happy lives." Out of the mouths of children, right?

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  12. This won't be the last time an underqualified white male has beaten a qualified female out of a job. I just had high hopes that this time would be different. #dontgrabmypussymrpresident

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  13. Wrecked and with you. We are going to stay busy. For the first 100 days. For the midterms. For 2020. We are going to be active in our communities, helping those who are marginalized, speaking out against injustice when we witness it first hand and even when we are not on the receiving end of the injustice. Thank you for Standing Up. I'm still with her, and really I am with all of us.

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  14. Hi Kate I am one of your childhood classmates I teared up reading this. I too am upset by the outcome of this election and am fearful for the first time about my safety and the safety of my family. My family is from India (and became citizens a long time ago) and I was born in the US but that doesn't mean we are immune from the hatred. My cousin a 10 year old boy who was also born here told his dad, "maybe we should move to India"

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  15. Thank you for writing this and sharing your heart. I'm so tired of being told to get over it and lets all get along. No, this hurts and I'm not done grieving yet. Our fight is not over yet. I might have to borrow the phrase you told your daughter to share with my own as it so perfectly describes what I hope she sees in herself.

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  16. Wrecked for sure.

    http://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2016/11/aaron-sorkin-donald-trump-president-letter-daughter

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  17. I thought I was done crying. I was wrong. It's devastating. I know soon we'll get to work but, woof, right now I'm just so sad.

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  18. Thank you for writing this. I stayed up way past my bedtime on election night after getting up at 4 in the morning to volunteer in a voter protection role. After a day full of positivity (first time voters of all ages) I spent a sleepless night hoping the news had changed. I am currently hoping for the best and doubling down on donations, volunteer commitments and other activities to protect vulnerable communities in case of the worst case scenario.

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  19. Thank you. I can't imagine the heartbreaking conversation with daughters old enough to understand. I am grateful to have a toddler son that will never remember Trump as president. I am just sad. People say they voted based on the economy which seems as good as saying money is more important than basic humanity.

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  20. thank you for talking about this important and difficult topic, I'm still devastated...and trying to work out where to go from here...

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  21. So devastating. I took my daughter (same age as your L) with me to vote because I wanted her to be a part of the experience and share in it with me. When she woke up the day after the election and heard Trump's name being discussed on the radio she asked why people were still talking about him if Hillary was President. After spending weeks talking to her about how exciting, historic, and monumental it was that a woman would finally be President, it was heartbreaking to tell her that we were wrong and that our candidate didn't win.

    My husband and I have spent the last week talking about what we do now and where we go from here. We've decided that our voices have to get louder. Now, more than ever, we have to stand up for what we believe in and teach our children to do the same.

    I can't even voice the sadness I feel for our country and for the women and people who voted for this man. I don't know exactly what it says about our country, about women, or about our future but I do know it's very hard to feel hopeful right now.

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happy little comments!