Tuesday, February 24, 2009

adventures in yuppy shopping

this past Saturday morning, i summoned my courage, threw on the expensive yoga pants as a security blanket, and trekked into Neimans for a visit to the Laura Mercier counter.

now, having just recently become One Who Shops (albeit, sparingly) at Neiman Marcus, i have yet to develop the thick skin and icy demeanor required of and perfected by NM's more frequent patrons. as a result, the neophyte that i am often ends up being treated like a huge piece of smelly dog poo that has somehow been tracked across the gleaming floors of the cosmetics department.

wtf is up with that? i have money to spend in your store; i'm oh so sorry that i am wearing ballet flats from Old Navy, but newsflash: you're a salesperson... sell me stuff (!), 'lest i go all Pretty Woman up on your ass!

well, no longer my friends! as Evs and i were watching worthless television on Friday night, my fourth glass of pinot grigio kicked in and i had an epiphany: i'm going to Cesar Millan those Neimans ninnies! my past attempts have been too timid (i'm not worthy! i'm not worthy!) - time to become a Retail Pack Leader with the help of calm, assertive thinking!

i am proud to report this tactic worked like a charm: i went in with my list of 4 items, graciously yet firmly declined the semi-snide attempt to sell me $200 worth of genuine badger bristle makeup brushes (my Target ones work just fine, thankyouverymuch), and evenly matched the very bitchy look that the impeccably dressed queen gave me upon checkout when i declared i would not be using a Neimans card but a -gasp!- gift card. victory!**

**and then i was conned into purchasing $30 YSL lip gloss with real flecks of 24k gold in it. harumph.

on a warmer-feeling note, loved the DVF ad that arrived in my In-Box this morning... come on, spring!


  1. This is hysterical. NM has the snobbiest demeanor, does it not? I remember browsing for my wedding shoes (for which I was willing to pay almost anything once I found the perfect pair) and got SO many questionable (read: rude) looks from the shoe salespeople.

    Hey, I have an idea - be a salesperson. To EVERYONE. Not just the ones who LOOK like they can afford something.

  2. I totally know what you mean!!! There is this guy that is so mean to me at Banana Republic (hello not like it's Saks or anything) and sometimes I find myself not going in because I don't want to see him! I'm such a wimp!

    I'm so proud of you (minus the YSL slip - lol - kidding, I'm sure it's fab!) for going in and getting what you wanted!

    Why do these sales people act like this!?! I just don't get it!!

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  4. HUGE DITTO. I seriously turn into the biggest whimp when I go into NM. The first purchase I ever made there was a few months ago and I didn't know you either had to have a NM card or an AMEX. SO I go up to the counter to buy some Fresh products and whip out my Visa. The sales lady rudley reminds me that, "NM DOES NOT TAKE VISA and if you shopped here more frequently you would know that." (kid you not this is actually what she said to me). My response, "Well i guess Visa isn't everywhere you want to be." (you know, because that's Visa'a slogan?) anyway, she definitely did not laugh and I did not walk out with my Fresh products.

  5. Way to be the pack leader! So sales people can be really rude!

    But what are you going to do with lip gloss that has gold flecks in it?

    I know you could collect the flecks and sell them for a profit with how high gold prices are getting right now! Haha

  6. Toooo classic.

    I remember the first time I tried to buy makeup at NM in college in Boston. Luckily I had the coolest salesperson ever tell me "Don't worry, it's just the store trying to act like they're better than you. You wouldn't believe how much business they lose in our department for not taking debit cards." And she was right, bc Sak's was literally two stores down and had all the same brands. Ever since then, my shield of disinterest while in Neiman's has been pretty uncrackable.

    It's ironic how terrible they can be given that my favorite thing about working retail was always that it forces you to be really nice and connect with people. Who CHOOSES to be bitchy all day at their job, anyway? Makes no sense, and I have no patience for it.

  7. i avoid neimans just cause of the sales bitches! id rather take my dollars to saks or bloomingdales... those sales girls are too sweet not to get my business, and they too would have probably been able to convince me to buy that YSL lip gloss...

  8. You aren't a true Neiman's shopper until you can say "No, I don't want to buy that." and move on without pause. I achieved this last year.

  9. I totally know how you feel. Although, I don't have a NM in my town. I often feel out of place in outdoor stores. I feel like they look at me when I walk in and secretly laugh and think... "Girl you don't look like you have ever been outdoors one day in your life."

    I love the Spring DvF looks also. I do feel like I have seen the looks before it came out, just by watching The City. Oh well, I still love the new looks.

  10. That was hysterical! This is my favorite part: 'lest i go all Pretty Woman up on your ass!


  11. Well played!

    NM is one of the few places where my inherently snooty demeanor comes in handy. Unfortunately, they usually mistake my frosty countenance for my actually being able to afford their wares, and come after me with a retail bloodthirst.

    That being said, I think going in with a snootyface on & dealing with too-aggressive service is far better than the alternative.


happy little comments!