Tuesday, April 28, 2009

damn fine swine***

{big thank-you-shout-out to my sweet husband who lets me blog about his germaphobic tendencies because i can't write about what i'd really like to write about - thus providing me with material when i feel anything but humorous - love you Doodle!}

***i almost feel compelled to apologize in advance for making light of a potentially serious health concern.  however, being disillusioned at a young age by deathly-sickness-propaganda (ummm, remember those African Killer Bees that were supposed to wreck havoc on Western Civilization???), i am now generally immune to medical panic.  unless we're talking about Ebola.  then, and only then, will you see me sporting a Michael Jackson-esque surgical mask.  that f*ing monkey in Outbreak scarred me for life. 

for reasons i cannot divulge (because of covert, super-secret-sorority reasons - and that's fo' serious, yo!), "damn fine swine!" is a phrase that will always hold a special place in my heart... sadly, The Evster does not currently feel the same affection for My Friend The Pig...

an anti-dirt-ite of the first degree, Evs is currently fixated on all things Swine Flu. Some Helpful Tips from my Hypochondriac Hubby:
  • inquire as to every possible person you and your Sig.Nif.O. know who is potentially capable of writing a Rx for TamiFlu - this includes 87 year old grandfathers who retired from medicine 17 years ago and 26 year old best friends who technically aren't doctors for 2 more weeks.

  • when you find a rando who will give you TamiFlu... stock-pile that shizz. you never know when the huddled masses will cheat you out of your prescription drugs. while you're at it, buy CVS out of Emergen-C.

  • instruct Sig.Nif.O. to drink at least one Emergen-C packet a day... in preparation for the Global Pandemic... because, btw's, 1000x the recommended does of Vitamin C wards off zombie attack too.

  • and if your s'tummy hurts, its definitely not the 3 packets of Mike & Ikes you just consumed... its obviously Swine Flu. obvs.
Happy Rando Tuesday... and wash your hands!

13 comments:

  1. I'm pretty far away from Mexico now, but maybe I should get some Tamiflu anyway. Good tips :)

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  2. This made me laugh and although I am far from Mexico, apparently an outbreak of the Swine Flu has been found at a school just north of Columbia. So less than an hour up the road, the swine flu has hit.
    Should I be concerned? I'm certainly not a hypochondriac, so I'm thinking no!

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  3. that's seriously funny. We are from San Diego which is close to... You know MEXICO!!! And we are flying back today from WA and my MIL seriously said "you guys should get masks for the plane ride" hello!!!! I love her ya know!
    Ps I have a fever and achieness darn rugrats!!!

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  4. honestly, i am in ev's camp on this one. i'm a little freaked to be traveling this weekend. when you pick me up, i might have on a mask. i'm not even lying about this one. did you guys get a prescrip of tamiflu? hook me up with that shiz yo.

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  5. lol, i freaked out about that Outbreak movie too, but being overseas I'm hoping it stays away...oh well. :)

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  6. OMG. A girl in my office was talking about how she just paid $60 to get a Tamiflu pack from a doctor friend. I just feel like between Anthrax, Killer Bees, West Nile, and the Avian Flue... I am over trying to figure out which global pandemic is going to kills us all first.

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  7. Your post cracked me up! Fo shizzle, yo, I ain't gonna get hung up on tha what if's. Ya dig? I am kind of turned off by eating pork at the moment, but I'm with you...no mask looking accessories for moi! I actually got a text message from my boss yesterday morning asking me to make an announcement at work, "Please wash your hands thoroughly since the swine flu is going around." Sorry, but I was in no mood to play everyone else's mother!

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  8. This is too funny :)

    I hope no crazy outbreaks happen with this flu here. I have my masters in bio...so I find this totally interesting...and scary...

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  9. you're hilarious. and todd eats three packs of mike and ikes at a time, too.

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  10. yeah should i be more concerned about this swine flu? because currently i'm not and now i keep hearing all about it and i'm starting to freak out.

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  11. LOL. My father in law works for a pharma company in California and yesterday he got many a frantic call from Dallas healthy officials ordering their entire stock of TamiFlu. Sucks to be in California, I guess since we've got their vaccines now!

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  12. Hey There! I just found your blog, and this post made me laugh so hard I actually started coughing...almost as if I HAVE swine flu! ;) I'm feeling rather disillusioned, too...so far, I have successfully NOT been affected by SARS, Bird Flu, West Nile, or Mad Cow, so I'm thinkin' this is going to have to be one heck of a pig virus to actually get me!

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happy little comments!