Tuesday, April 21, 2009

suuuu-perb! thankssomuch!

new pet peeve: total strangers / awkward acquaintances*** asking me "so how's married life?"

***notice i said "strangers / awkward acquaintances" - i am more than happy to give you waaaay more than you bargained for, my lovely friends and family!

i know its supposed to be a pleasantry and all, but what the hell do you want me to say?

in my (brief) experience, there are only 2 possible ways to go with this question:

(1) "its great - but, you know, pretty much the same." i made the mistake of going with Option #1 the first couple of times this inquiry was tossed my way: biiiiiiig mistake. i got the "oh. how sad. you're obviously already on the edge of divorce" look. ummmm, i did not realize that our marriage certificate was supposed to come with a lifetime supply of rainbows, unicorns, and rose-smelling-farts (maybe ours got lost in the mail?) sorry that we were actually happy before the wedding and continue to be happy afterward. yep, we have good moments and bad moments and fan-freakin-tastic moments - and that's the way its always been. problems don't stop with marriage and good times don't begin with marriage... surely i'm not the first person to discover this?

(2) "AMAZING! THANKS!" after the Debbie Downer Moments following Option #1, i figured extreme enthusiasm a la Patty Simcox was the ticket to pleasing the Marital Spanish Inquisition. while the Peanut Gallery does seem much more satisfied with Option #2, now i get these expectant looks... like they want more... what else do you want me to say? would you like me to describe the morning bathroom routine as a intro to our section meeting? the campy Everybody-Loves-Raymond-esque marital vignettes around the coffeepot? or howsabout all those newlywed sexcapades (because, let's face it, i know that's what you're thinking, gutterbrain)?

i'm still searching for the A+ Answer... any tips for this (blissfully happy yet oh-so-still-grounded-in-reality) newlywed?

25 comments:

  1. This made me lol at work today. Spit out my coffee and all. Exactly how I feel about it to!
    ps- Came across your blog and love it. I am a newlywed too and identify with your blog in many ways! Congrats

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  2. I've been going with the "It's so great not having to plan a wedding, we've been enjoying that" or something along those lines. It seems to shut people up, at least until they start asking about babies (Argh)

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  3. This one is tough...and it's a question you will get for a LONG time. I still get it and I have been married a year and a half!

    I'm glad you posted about the first option...because that's exactly how I felt...but I felt wrong thinking/saying it. My husband and I lived together for a little while before we were married...and when we came home after the honeymoon...everything was pretty much the same. I guess I don't know what I expected to be different...I guess I just thought I would feel different...but no. But that's okay. We were happy before we got married...and we still are!

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  4. This question makes me laugh, especially when people who ARE married (and have been for longer than oh, I don't know, a day) ask. You were newlyweds once, don't you remember? It hasn't changed, there isn't some new, hip rule book that came around after you got married. In any case, I usually just answer "great, it's really nice to be together after the whole long distance thing and we're happy, blah blah" and then it's awkward and silent and things move on.
    Oh well.

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  5. I always go with Option #1.

    I have had people say to me "Everything changes when you get married." My thoughts....if everything changes when you get married, perhaps you should not have gotten married in the first place????

    I also felt 100% uncomfortable when randoms would ask me how the honeymoon was...and then wink. EEEEWWWW!

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  6. Yes! Thanks for the perfect post. I have been married for 5 months now and people still ask me constantly how married life is. And I always say...umm, fine! About the same as before we got married. Because it's true!

    I don't know what the right answer is, either...but I am looking forward to the day the questions stop coming!

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  7. I'd go with "nothing really changed and that's exactly what we wanted." I heard a friend say this to someone and it worked perfectly!

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  8. Ya know, I have been known to say this to newlyweds myself and now that I think about it - even from friends and family this and the baby comment are the last things I am going to want to hear repeatedly after our 'special day', so I apologize for being one of those people.

    I think perhaps you should go into som truly amazing details of the kama sutra book you got for your shower gift and which positions have worked for you and why...that might shut them up. Er', or not. Okay - bad idea. Nevermind!!!

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  9. oh my gosh... i wrote a post about this right after we got married, too. it was SO annoying!!!

    i always said, "it's the same." because it is! :) we didn't even live together before and it's the same. http://akincarroll.blogspot.com/2008/08/hows-married-life.html

    i'd still go with option #1! :)

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  10. Oh I totally get what you mean-- we still get it after 15 months. Our answer has gotten pretty routine and it is this: "Married life is great... It's like dating, but with sleepovers." :) Either people think it's cute or they are totally creeped out by it... either way they leave us alone!

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  11. HA! I wrote a little something about this just a few months after we got married -- You can read it here -- I continued to tell people the truth... why feed their ignorance! UGH!

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  12. Totally turn it on them. That's what I did. I'd have some old woman I barely know come up to me and say "Oh! How's married life treating you?!" I'd say "It's great and how's yours?" They'd be so confused they'd just kind of stare... I get a weird kick out of throwing people off...

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  13. "We've really been busy having so much newlywed sex to notice."

    This is what I wish I would have said, instead of Option #2. Sooo annoying.

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  14. i get this all the time...seriously annoying. things feel exactly the same, except for the sex of course.haha

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  15. Oh my I do relate to this!! I normally tell people being married feels the same and I'm glad... we lived together before we got married and we hoped that by doing that we knew exactly what we were getting and we did! Perfect!

    Keep going with option #1 :)

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  16. My answer was always- "It's great. I am really enjoying living with my best friend. The adjustments are coming easily."

    Honestly, I think the people that expect to hear how hard it is married the wrong person. There I said it. :)

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  17. Ha! I go with option #1, with a little more vigor. "Well, we were living in sin to begin with, so I guess it's a little more moral now, but otherwise the same!" ::charming smile::

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  18. I can only imagine what people tell you. I'm sure you get the when are you going to have kids too. :) That stinks. I get the when are you getting married ALL THE TIME. and I have no response ha ha.

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  19. I got nothin'. Those were always my two answers.... Now, 4 years later we're constantly getting the "so, when are you having babies?" question--which is compounded by my brother in law knockin' up if girlfriend 4 weeks after we got married--"you know, they've already got one child, you don't even have one." Yes. I'm aware. But, I'm married, have a job, etc--doesn't that count for anything?

    OK, rant over.

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  20. be careful what you wish for.. because once they get sick of the "how's married life" question comes, "So when are you having kids?"

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  21. There are NO good answers for this. NONE.

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  22. I'm coming out of lurker status for this one...

    When Rob, a coworker of my husband, was always asked "How's married life?" he would always say "Wow. It's just horrible. Awful! I can't believe you guys let me get into this mess!" ...people stopped asking. :) {You have to act serious about it too. That's clutch!}

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  23. tehehe. too funny. Is that ellen in that pic?

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  24. I have been enjoying your blog for a long time now, but finally was compelled to comment. I read this out to my fiance - after chuckling, he started singing the Spanish Inquisition song from History of the World. Loved your wedding recaps and feeling very much akin to you - also getting married in Austin (and we have the same florist!)
    Thanks for the laughs!

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  25. I never got why people asked that. What the hell are you suppose to say???

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happy little comments!