Thursday, June 18, 2009

thanks for that,"dr" luke

so yesterday i had to go to this women's luncheon that's held quarterly by an industry organization . the luncheons are always on different topics - sometimes pretty random ones. this quarter's topic: personal safety. um, okaaaaaaay. that doesn't really have much to do with our industry, but, you know, important topic i suppose, i'm down.

weeeeeeeell...

let's chat about some of the tid-bits shared with us by "Doctor Luke" (who was a personal safety consultant in his "past life" but now practices "non-invasive acupuncture in the West Village." so you know, he's totes-legit.)...

(1) you're more likely to get attacked by a serial killer (with Dr. L - all attackers are "serial killers") if you have long hair.
i've heard this one before and my thought is always the same - am i supposed to buzz my head? rock the Amish braided-bun? wear a stocking cap?

(2) you're less likely to be attacked if you're carrying a long object that could be used as a weapon, like an umbrella... or a broom.
i thought it was bad enough when he busted out with "umbrella" - but BROOM? my fellow-lady-lawyers and i chatted about this little gem of advice on the way back to the office... totally ignoring the ridiculousness of the statement itself, don't you think that if we're going to take to lugging around something as large as a broom, that maybe we should choose something that is actually a weapon? like a light saber or nun-chucks or a power-bow? or, if we are to take your literal advice to heart... what if we don't have a broom? you're talking to the Swiffer Generation, Dr. L - i haven't had a broom since like 2002. i have a Dustbuster though... can i dust-bust a serial killer? what if i'm out of batteries? what if my filter needs cleaning? WHAT THEN, DOCTOR LUKE?!!

(3) don't disregard women or couples as potential attackers (or serial killers). in fact, the "distract and attack" tactic is extremely popular with criminals (serial killers) in East London.
oh really, swan? East London, eh? sorry old sport but maybe you haven't noticed... we live in North Texas. but cheerio, good tip!

so, you know, that was a superfun lunch.

12 comments:

  1. What the hell is noninvasive accupuncture?

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  2. I be sure to buzz my head and take my Swiffer with me to work tomorrow, you never know when a serial killer is gonna get ya!

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  3. Oh my gosh!!! I second SLynnRo--how does one accomplish noninvasive accupuncture??

    And I'm sure a DustBuster would do the job.

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  4. This is hilarious! Who knew serial killers were so common??

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  5. Now that's priceless! Lunch time well spent, right?

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  6. Obviously it's about time to unveil a new look - Witchy Fab. Hair hiding in a huge black hat - which could also be used as a weapon if pointy enough - and carrying a broom. That way you have two weapons in case of those pesky serial killer couples, the hair's in hiding, and you could totally still accessorize with hot shoes.

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  7. omg i could not stop laughing about this, esp over the last part. husband and his friend think i'm laughing at their "joke" but alas, no.

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  8. Um, aren't you planning a trip to London soon? Dr. Luke may have just saved your life. Try not to recoil in terror every time a couple comes near you :).

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  9. This is hilarious! What do you mean you don't carry your broom with you? I always do, right along with my vacuum cleaner and mop. After I fend off the serial killers, I can clean their house!

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  10. This sounds like something from a Seinfeld show--ie. fiction!! Very funny and entertaining!

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  11. So in the most non-stalkerish way {haha} I have been following your blog while planning my wedding because I loved all of the amazing colors and details you incorporated into yours!

    So now that I have my own blog, I thought I'd stop by and say hi! :)

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  12. So I'm the only one that carries a broom to work?

    weird.

    =)

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happy little comments!