Tuesday, December 22, 2009

someone is cramping my extracurricular style

Yesterday I got one of Facebook emails... You know the drill: "So&So has invited you to join XYZ group!"  And of course So&So is always someone you haven't spoken to since you asked them to pass the scissors in 3rd grade, insinuating that So&So checked that creepy "Invite All Friends" button when spreading the word about XYZ group.  I HATE THAT.

Anyhoo, this particular So&So apparently thinks that I (and all of her other friends?) have a burning desire to join the group "Who Is Looking At Your Profile?"  Supposedly, if I join this group, I will receive a notification every time someone looks at my profile.  So&So's reasoning, explained in the "personal" message of the invitation?

To keep ourselves and our children safe from internet predators.


First - the obvious... If you are concerned about pedophiles checking out your kids on facebook, perhaps change your privacy settings so every Dick, Tom, and Harry (or maybe just Dick and Harry?) can't visit your page.  Or, here's an idea, POST LESS NAKED PHOTOS OF YOUR 3 YEAR OLD IN THE BATHTUB.    I don't know what the "appropriate quota" of potty and bath time photos is, but I'm pretty sure you surpassed it when you posted the 17th album.  Your baby is very cute and the photos of him or her dressed as a hamburger for Halloween make me chuckle, but the only people who want to see 86 snapshots of "Bobby's Diaper Dance" are Grammie and Poppa.  Do yourself a favor and create a Picassa account.  Also, there's a website for people like you.  Be warned.

Second - and most importantly... The SOLE AND INTENDED purpose of Facebook is to make sure your ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend is fatter than you and to ensure that your wedding was prettier than that holier-than-thou uptight bitch of a sorority sister's.  How are we supposed to efficiently stalk people we never talk to anymore when you, Random So&So, are promoting applications to catch us in the act?  You weren't so concerned in college when you posted that album of you performing keg stands in a mini-skirt during Spring Break in South Padre, now were you?  So let's not ruin it for the rest of us, mmmmmmkay?

21 comments:

  1. Haha, hilarious, and SO TRUE! I can't believe some of the pictures people put on Facebook of their kids. Internet predators aside, there's really a limit on the number of naked baby butts that I want to see!

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  2. Perfect for my christmas stress today, was up to 3am baking freaking cookies for people I really don't like.
    You keep it real.
    Can't wait to see what you get for Christmas.
    I will not stalk you on facebook, but I did send a request for twitter, lisabridwell@aol.com

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  3. Hahahaha what I love most about this is that I totally know who "so-and-so" is and I got the same invite! But the difference is, I never even asked her to pass the scissors in 3rd grade... I don't think I really had any interaction with her ever, at least not that I can remember. So-and-so seems to be very eager to re-connect with EVERYONE that went to our h.s.!

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  4. Isn't this the truth, sister!!!! I would totally deactivate facebook if it weren't for being nosey and wanting to stalk certain people. If I see one more Mafia Wars or Farmville status update I am going to lose it!

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  5. No truer words have ever been spoken (written)...

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  6. That last paragraph just made my day, love it! I identify with it so well.

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  7. i recently had an interesting experience where someone i had never met, but have heard of admitted to a co-worker that she followed me on facebook through tagged pictures of mutual friends. i got creeped out and changed all my settings...and blocked her. ha!

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  8. i completely agree with you! i just told my bf that the best thing about facebook's new privacy settings is that i can stalk friends of friends now! i finally have something to do in my free time {when i'm not reading EA, that is}.

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  9. Thank you! Now if only the people I stalk, I mean friends, would update their profile more often.

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  10. ahahahaha. This is great and oh so true.

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  11. I couldn't agree more. And I would be pissed if I people knew I was stalking them on Facebook. I want an automatic group invitation blocker.....

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  12. I feel like I'm stuck in some facebook world of hell where I ONLY see updates from creepy parents and the people hooked on FarmVille.

    I have several hundred friends, so I'm frustrated that my news feed only fills up with crap from about a dozen people. I do not need to see another picture of your unexceptional child! Get a boring mommy blog for that.

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  13. Preach! Couldn't be more true. Facebook is really only to see who from high school/college is now married, fat, popped out a kid, or (gasp) divorced.... It's a stalking tool- and while we're at it, who cares if a lonely cow wandered onto your 'farm'. Please take all the silly games off facebook! It's ruining my stalking!

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  14. Love this post! I was thinking this just last night when someone posted pictures of their new baby and new baby's va-jay-jay was staring me right in the face. Enough already!!

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  15. THE PREDATORS! THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

    I hate people.

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  16. Oh Kate this is classic. You're right - FB is all about making sure that I am doing better in life than pretty much all of the bitches I knew in HS and College. LOVE IT.

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  17. I am totally facebook stalking a guy right now and I seriously hope that he cannot see that I check his page all the time.

    That would not be cool.

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happy little comments!