Tuesday, May 4, 2010

peeve-us and pet-head

Back in the Ol' Law School Days of Yore, my Con Law (Constitutional Law, for you non-legal-types) professor was rather fond of using the antics of Beavis & Butthead as examples during First Amendment discussions (that would be the one protecting the freedoms of speech, religion, the press, and public assembly, if you're keeping count)... only, he always flip-flopped those animated arseholes' names, referring to them as "Butthead & Beavis." I have an inkling that Dear Professor G wasn't clueless, but once misspoke whilst using the analogy, received a collective chuckle from the auditorium, and worked that slip-of-the-tongue into his regular material.

And while I adored the man and all of his seminars (I was a bit of a Con Law Junky... admittedly impractical but wholly fascinating), that particular shtick never tickled my funny bone... Why?  BECAUSE ITS "BEAVIS & BUTTHEAD" - GET IT RIGHT!

That's right - one of my top pet-peeves is (DUN-DUN-DUN) Mispronunciation.  Even if its of the title of the World's Most Vile Cartoon.  I just like things to be correct.  Por ejemplo, for the love of all things good and holy and touched by the itty bitty baby Jesus, do not add an "X" in words that begin with E-S... EXSPECIALLY especially when you order EXSPRESSO espresso.  

It's all about the phonics, people - all about the phonics!  

In the spirit of "Butthead & Beavis,"... some of my latest pet-peeves:

(1) Employers on Facebook.  This is way worse than Random Family Members on Facebook.  Because at least RFMs are required by law to love you even if you ignore their friend requests.  And you can't really be fired from your family upon the discovery of those keg-stand photos taken during Sophomore Spring's Pimps-n-Ho's Party.  Or at least if you can, you're probably not too bummed about it.  No, employers and colleagues are a whole different ballgame.  You can't ignore their requests because then they'll be all "What does she have to hide?  A hangover?  A secret love-child?  AN AGE-INAPPROPRIATE OBSESSION WITH TWILIGHT?"  And then once y'all are "friends," you have to De-Fun-ify your profile.  So it's bye-bye bachelorette party photos and so-long status updates containing pearls of wisdom from the Real Housewives of New Jersey ("she puts the 'cont' in 'contradiction,'" anyone?).  So basically your Facebook is now the new LinkedIn... and we all know how much LinkedIn blows.  

(2) Asinine Commercials that Signify All that is Wrong with America.  Particularly, the Kraft American Cheese (apologies, couldn't find a link) and Pro-High-Fructose-Corn-Syrup commercials.  Each enrages me to the point of total insanity.  Judge a country by its cheese, eh?  Does the United States really want to be analogized with rubbery, processed, tasteless, plastic-wrapped faux-cheese-product?  Does it not make you sad that many other nations might agree with that characterization?  And the idea that HFCS is amazeballs because it's derived from natural sugar?  READ A BOOK WHY DON'T YOU.  Or another one. Or if your pea-brain just can't process all those big, long chapters, this one has pictures!  Or if you're a wait-til-the-movie-comes-out kinda dude, this one's for you..  IDIOTS!

(3) Negative-Nancys in Group Fitness Classes.  Oh the irony!  I'm complaining about complainers!  Look, I like a good bitchfest as much as the next gal (If you don't have anything nice to say, come stand next to me!).  And, yes, the enthusiasm of that perky instructor does become wearing after 60 minutes of hauling your ass up and down and across and over and every-which-way on that damn plastic step... But grunting NOOOOOOOO like a surly warthog every time she exclaims "How's about 8 more!" is not helping anyone feel better.  I'm here to get Less-Fat... you're here to get Less-Fat... perhaps if we all shut our pie-holes and actually do 8 more, we might accomplish our shared goal.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As not to end on a sour note, I'll leave you with a simple pleasure that is making me grin every morning when I leave for work and every evening when I pull in the drive... our happy, little Adirondack chairs, all assembled and ready for Summer!  


What's getting your goat these days?  And what little thing puts a smile on your face when those goats are getting you real good?**

**Yes.  I am aware this makes little to no sense whatsoever.  

27 comments:

  1. I wholly concur with points 1 & 3.
    I don't live in America, but I understand, people judge Canada by the most horrific of our musical exports. We aren't all Nickleback and Avril.
    Also, I did not know Omnivore's Dilemma came in a picture book format. I feel the need to purchase and distribute.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I loved Con Law, too!

    While I agree that the complainer at group fitness is annoying, I think the overly-peppy cheerleader-type is worse. Especially at bootcamp. I don't need your "whoops" and cheers at 6am, mmkay?

    ReplyDelete
  3. People who misuse phrases (I read "cease the day!" a little while ago) and you know you can't say anything because they'll get all offended. I personally would like to know so people don't think I'm a dummy every time I say it the rest of my life.

    Also, the use of WAH-LAH! It's voila, it's French, it's a real word.

    Finally, people who don't turn into the lane they're supposed to turn into. You took the same driving test I did, I know you know where you're supposed to go!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I took all of my employers and put them on my "lame" list. They only get to see my profile picture and my email if they're lucky, but no tagged pictures for you! I have a life - I just don't want you involved.

    and to go with pet peeves - coworkers (or 1 in particular) inviting himself over for dinner (with no prompting from me, hi, married, no interest in you) - no, as mentioned above, I have no plans on us being friends outside the workplace, please beg for food elsewhere.

    ps. love the chairs! :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. What gets my goat is when... you are sitting in "circle" with your team at the end of practice, hoping it will end soon so you can have maybe 7 minutes to get ready that day instead of the usual 4, and then someone has to raise their hand and ask a question that is not relevant to anyone but themselves - O.Y.O.T.! Hahahaha hope you appreciated that :)

    Also, I need to say that a man I worked with in Utah had the opposite problem with adding an "X" to works - he removed them. For example, he pronounced "excavate"as "escavate". Almost strangled him on a few occasions.

    ReplyDelete
  6. O M G thank you for sharing my hatred of "Bad for America" commercials! They raise my blood pressure. "It's fine in moderation!" Not killing you instantly does not equal "FINE IN MODERATION!" America's corn lobby exspecially puts the cont in contradiction. for sure.

    ReplyDelete
  7. On the same lines of facebook - family members who use it as their soapbox. My in-laws make everything political on the fbook. Same in-laws also have a lovely beach home and bestow favor on those who agree with them. So to defriend them is to miss out on opps for beach time. Le sigh.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I scream at the television every time that stupid pro-HFCS commercial comes on. I mean, there are people out there that are actually going to FALL for that!! How do they sleep at night??

    ReplyDelete
  9. That cheese commercial drives me nuts!! Every time it comes on I just want to scream. Yeah, let's compare our individually wrapped, lame tasting cheese to that of other countries, makes sense.

    ReplyDelete
  10. My secretary friended me on Facebook, so I had to pretend that I didn't ever check it. Finally, I had to accept. Why would you want to friend your boss? So bizarre.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Yes, yes, and yes to all points. The pro HFCs commercial is really really bad. We just watched King Corn on Netflix and it infuriates me to see how it is in everything. Also,you're exactly right, Facebook is like Linkdin now, lame. Let's just hope the fam and coworkers don't find out about twitter or we'll have no where to bitch.

    ReplyDelete
  12. one of my coworkers( I work in higher education) pronounces laptop as LABtop. Hello?! We work at one of the top universities in the country and she has a master's degree! drives me up the wall.

    ReplyDelete
  13. HAHAHAHA I was literally just complaining about how stupid the corn fructose commercials are. I also LOATHE the "American" cheese commercials because of that dude's voice. Awwwwful!

    www.JigglesAndBubblesworth.com

    ReplyDelete
  14. NUKE-u-lar!!! (like nails on a chalkboard)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Are you my long lost twin? Honestly, I couldn't have said any of this better myself! I especially hate the pro high fructose corn syrup commercials....fat much?

    ReplyDelete
  16. I'm with Rena. Put them on a limited profile list and they won't see anything. And then you don't have to de-fun-ify your facebook.

    Pet peeves: "could care less": If you COULD care less, then you obviously care a little. It's COULDN'T care less. Also, misusing apostrophes. Which is why I love this Toothpaste For Dinner t-shirt so much.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Oh man! This post made me so happy!
    I have a co-worker that sits on the other side of my cubical wall (so I can hear EVERYTHING she says) and she says "pacific" instead of Specific. Everytime she says it I want to scream. She also constantly mispronounces people's names. These are people that we work with EVERY day, the least you can do it say it right!

    Facebook wise...people who update their status 50 times a day drive me crazy! I don't need to know that you are going to the bathroom. There is also someone that constantly posts pictures of things they see while they are driving....For real?

    ReplyDelete
  18. With the mispronunciation thing--oh amen! While not adding an 'X', my step mom takes an entirely different route: 'espresso' has become 'eggspresso'. She also says Valentimes (and has addresses cards in such way) and punkin. And not in like cutesy ways, in honest to goodness conversations. But, what do I say to her? NOTHING. Thus, I am not helping the situation.

    Also, my MIL is on Facebook (I love my in laws--weird, I know) and has not friended me. I find this odd and borderline offsensive.

    Lord help us all if employers and family start getting on Twitter! Yikes!

    PS. Love the chairs!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Future employers finding me in facebook is why I made myself unsearchable.

    Pro HFCS commercials drive me nuts!

    ReplyDelete
  20. oh man agreed. on everything. except the gym thing, mostly because... i don't go to the gym. but i see that other people have commented this, you don't have to let them see your whole profile... that's what "lists" are for... look it up... it's awesome, yo.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I really get peeved when I think about what facebook has become. Having been a member since day one it is shocking to me just how many changes they have made and gotten away with after all these years!

    ReplyDelete
  22. i don't know if i have ever seen that pro-HFCS commerical (i watch a lot of dvr) but wow that is nuts. i have 30 mile commute one way to work (i know i am crazy) so pretty much anything and everything about driving in traffic gets to me! i won't go into specifics...way too much to rant about!

    ReplyDelete
  23. HFCS & the American Cheese commercials drive me crazy! That and the commercials (I don't think they are on anymore) where the lady is jogging and says, "I can't seem to concentrate. Could I be pregnant?" REALLY!?! THAT is your sign!?!
    My supervisor at work friended me on Twitter a couple weeks ago :( Now I can't Tweet as often b/c she sees it all. I especially can't bitch about work! Grrrr.
    So I bought a potted floral plant and put it on my desk. I makes me smile :)

    ReplyDelete
  24. my top two pet peeves right now:

    idiots on craigslist selling "rod iron" furniture. really?

    and obnoxiously selfish drivers. the ones that will see a long line of people waiting patiently to go one way, speed up the next lane, then stop and put their blinker on and expect some sucker to just let them over. why is your time more important than mine? why are you too important to wait?

    must stop talking about this. blood pressure is rising.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Nosy in-laws on Facebook! And, of course you HAVE to accept their friend requests.

    People who answer the question, "How are you?" with , "I'm fine." with no regard to asking how you are in return. I think that's so rude.

    ReplyDelete
  26. I totally agree with you about facebook. My boss friended me on facebook and it was the worst thing ever! UNTIL...I discovered privacy settings on facebook!! He can no longer see status updates, pictures or what people have posted on my wall. Only the bare minimum and that's how it should be.

    ReplyDelete
  27. oh yes, dearie! you must discover the privacy settings on facebook. it will solve all your problems!

    me: verbage instead of verbIage. complement instead of compliment...that list goes on.

    and the color coral.

    ReplyDelete

happy little comments!