Tuesday, November 20, 2012

who's the turkey, now?

With all my Thanksgiving list-making and scheduling, I can't quite seem to get my proverbial poo together when it comes to grocery shopping.  I either forget my list, or my angel-baby throws a shit-fit when I won't let her hold a package of raw hamburger meat and I get distracted, or I change my mind for a third time about which pie recipe I want to make.  As such, I think I've hit up every market within a five mile radius at least once in the past week.  

On Sunday, our little family made the weekly trek to Whole Foods to pick up food for the week's non-holiday meals, as well as, oh yes, a few final Thanksgiving items.  Included on that latter list: sweetened condensed milk.  It seems snooty Whole Foods is above such paltry pantry staples, so we had to zip by Albertson's on the way home.

In the checkout line, clutching my canned good, I spied a something that made me grin.  An attractive man, about my age, stood ahead of me in line, manning a BOB jogging stroller with a wee passenger.  In the cup holders of the stroller... were two double bottles of wine.  In the cargo basket beneath his precious cherub... was a case of Bud Lite.  Recognizing a kindred spirit, I caught his eye as he loaded his goods onto the conveyor belt...

"I like your style," I said, giving him my most encouraging Way to Survive, Fellow Parent! smile. 

He froze... gaping at me uncomfortably, like I might bite him.  

Even the cashier paused, mid-tally, to raise an eyebrow in my direction. 

Immediately, I realized my mistake... I'd left my husband and child circling the parking lot and (to add insult to injury) my rings sitting on my dresser at home.  

What I'd intended as a friendly, "babies and holidays, man -- they'll drive you to drink!" quip had quickly morphed into a "hey married guy, let's ditch the kid and get busy with your booze" come-on. 

Of course the mental midget manning the cash register had to make matters even more squirmy with some crack about how all the poor guy was missing for the perfect "pick up chicks" formula was a puppy... 

Ironic, considering his wife was waiting outside with two miniature schnauzers. 

This uncomfortable moment in holiday shopping history is brought to you by Eagle Brand Sweetened Condensed Milk. 

And!  My Official Thanksgiving Recipe Roundup

Mama J's Cornbread Dressing 
  • double your favorite cornbread recipe... allow to dry for 24 hours, then food process into crumbs
  • half a bag of Pepperidge Farms Cornbread Dressing Mix
  • 2 cups celery, finely chopped {use a food processor}
  • 2 cups sweet onion, finely chopped {more food processing action}
  • 1 t. poultry seasoning 
  • approx. 6 cups turkey stock {or chicken, if turkey isn't available}
Mix cornbread, dressing mix, veggies, and poultry seasoning together.  Add stock one cup at a time, until dressing is wet and sticks together {but isn't sopping}. 

This recipe makes enough to stuff a 20 lb turkey with enough left over to bake a 3qt. casserole.  If you just want dressing as a side dish, Mama J suggests you half the recipe.  Bake dressing at 350 degrees for 30 minutes, switching the broiler on for the last couple of minutes to brown the top. 

T-Man's Cranberry Sauce {aka: The Recipe on the Back of the Bag}

The kind folks at Whole Foods are roasting my turkey and doing whatever you do with giblets to make my gravy. For this, I'll possibly forgive them for failing to carry sweetened condensed milk. 

Sister Schubert is baking my rolls

My mother-in-law is bringing sweet potatoes, green bean casserole {I've never been a fan in general, but I'm dying to try this recipe... unfortunately, I figured I'd take it easy this year, what with my newly-mobile offspring attempting to propel herself into the oven with my pie crust}, and pecan pie

Should be a nice spread!  

Now, if I can only make my liquor run without offending the propriety of my fellow shoppers... 


  1. That "I like your style" comment is something I would TOTALLY say...(but sadly, I don't have the husband and child circling in the parking lot. I would just be creepy).

  2. I non-sexually hit on people like that, too. I call it Being Friendly but often receive looks from the receiver of my Friendliness as if I had seven or eight heads. Weirdos.

  3. I actually laughed out loud reading your story of inadvertently hitting on a married man! (And my office-mate gave me the weird look to prove it.)

    Thanks for sharing these great recipes!

  4. My friends are constantly referring to me as the overly friendly Midwesterner. I get myself in those situations often. Oh well. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family!

  5. HA!!!!!!!!!!!! That is a fabulous story. Dell Harper loves to chew and ingest my grocery list, and then pitch a fit if I take it away from her.

    1. L wants whatever it is that I just put in the cart. We have to get out of the refrigerated sections QUICKLY.

  6. I love it! Didn't you want to deck the checker?

    I once let Blaire hold an avocado while we were shopping (you know, to stop the screaming) and looked down a minute later to find a nice little chunk missing from it. After fishing avocado peel out of her mouth, I learned not to hand her things at the store. (Or better yet, leave her home.)

  7. A-maze-ing. And thanks for the recipe plug, lady!

  8. Oh man, babies holding stuff in grocery carts ALWAYS gets me a little baby-feverish. So adorable.

    The Arboretum WF in Austin has sweetened condensed milk (not Eagle brand, of course) on the very bottom shelf by the pie filling and chocolate chips and other baking goods. Maybe they were just out at your store?


happy little comments!